Losses

I lost my brain. There is a sad resignation and a subdued helplessness. When I plugged in my computer that I was setting up as the kids computer, it wouldn't boot up. The hard drive crashed in the move. Mike says he can still retrieve the data off of it. Fortunately I handed my dad all the genealogy information I had collected on that computer, and I guess it is on the new familysearch.org. However, I had no back-up for my book that I had about five chapters of. It was about the trauma I experienced at the termination of my first marriage. My intention was to get it all out so that I would have a memory of it, without feeling like I had to hold on to it inside of me. I saw that as an important part of my healing process. Now I have to just plain let it go--maybe.

The other sad thing is that I had two older computers that had stuff on them--I have no idea what--that got left behind in the move. They are now lost forever. It was only little parts of my brain that I have no power to recall. I don't know what I have lost, so I can't be terribly sad about it, but something is gone.

The other loss is of a much more practical necessity. The new microwave (that I have previously complained about here) was set to cook for 20 minutes with nothing in it. It is completely fried and lifeless. Someone thought it was a timer. Someone was wrong. Someone is loved and will be forgiven because Someone was trying to help. Someone should not comment if they read this and give themselves away. This post is not about Someone it is about things I lost.

Mike is going to be building a couple of websites in the next couple of weeks, and since he is not used to working from home with me and the babies are around, I am going to take them to see Grandmas in Missouri (since my parents are there this week). I will also be taking that opportunity to continue working on a project that relates to that area. Sorry, I just try to say as little as possible about intentions, and just report on accomplishments. You'll just have to wait and see.

Anyway, keep on truckin'.

Whachu Talkin' 'Bout Willis?

Anastasia is doing her Zoolander.


















The babies love playing on my bed, but mostly they love getting their picture taken or videos of themselves. Anastasia is the especially hammy one. Amelia is studying the camera.

























Anastasia was helping me unpack boxes in the girls room and fell asleep on the job.

I Love Morning

Well, I love this morning, anyway. I woke up just a little before six and realized it was the first time I had been awake since I went to bed at 11. The babies slept through the night because I left Mike with them for the afternoon while I went to the temple and visited with Arren. He mostly fed them and gave them bottles, and they never took their late nap.

That was a wonderful change from the night before, where I stayed up until 12:30 watching back episodes of Chuck in prep for the new season opener. One-half hour later someone woke up screaming. Two hours later the same someone woke up again, but it wasn't time for another bottle. I could tell she was in pain, but I had given her tylenol at her 2AM feeding. So I just laid on the couch upstairs with her on my chest until she was asleep and secure. Then I couldn't get back to sleep until 6am. They woke up at eight. I didn't like that morning.

That means I lived on 2 2-hour cat naps. I went to the temple in that condition and managed to stay awake the majority of the time. I was impressed with myself.

So far this morning (which is why I love waking up early and rested) I have done some cleaning in the garage, unpacked 3 boxes of girls stuff and started my each-child-has-own-school/art/memorabilia/scrapbook-box project, painted a "desk" and, of course, fed babies, changed diapers, made bottles, danced to Queen with baby, wiped spit up, and even given baths. It is only 1:30. I can still add made lunch for myself and husband, done a blog post and even taken some special time for my honey.

I think it may be time for the babies' second nap. I may take one, but I may be better than that and continue working on my writing project.

My Dear Charlotte

Last week I called Charlotte, my old dance teacher. She is 81 now. I found out last year that she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, but I didn't post about it because it was too close to Sharon's death. I had wanted so badly to visit her this previous summer. She is still doing well. She remembers me, but her voice is very weak. She struggles with her words, but knows not to try to use big words or explain complicated things. She said how much she wanted to see me and I could tell it was for the same reason I had.

She is such a sweet and amazing person. I owe her so much. I wasn't supposed to tell anyone at the studio, but she believed so much in my ability that she insisted I come to class as often as there were classes for me and I would never have to pay. My parents never would have been able to afford what she gave me. I have a hunch that I wasn't the only one in the dance studio she did that for.

While I waited for my classes (my parents usually dropped me of 1-2 hours early) she would have me help her with instruction, and so she groomed me to teach. She gave me opportunities to choreograph and eventually even mastermind an entire production. She has been a loving mentor to me like no other. Thank you Charlotte.

Between Loads of Laundry

In case I haven't explained it, Anastasia has congenital torticolis. When I was pregnant, she was really low, head down, in my pelvis. Amelia was also head down. Anastasia's position and Amelia's weight on her made is so she had very limited neck movement, and so the muscle on one side of her neck developed short. She goes to physical therapy every week to stretch that muscle out so she doesn't hold her head tilted to the left for the rest of her life.

Thursday she was strapped into her trailer trash high chair (bar stool and a gold-studded belt) and pushed it away from the table making herself fall straight back. She didn't even get a goose egg, but the floor in the dining room is concrete. I was more concerned that she had whiplash.

I took her to physical therapy and she would not have any of it. Christen, her tech was really concerned and suggested I have a doctor look at her. I took her to the ER, but she was fine.

For the past week I have been working on a writing project, and will continue to be working on it for some time, so I may continue to have a slow down in my blogging. In addition, it is finally fall in Texas, which means it is the perfect time of year for projects like refinishing and painting furniture. Now that I have my own little yard, I may be devoting a bit of time to gardening as well.

Don't you fret. I certainly will continue to blog, and probably still more than Devanie. I will also continue to read and comment in my usual places.

Llittle Known Facts

The human body does not easily digest paper. In the case of infants at least, it may pass with print still legible.

It's cricket season in Texas. They are so slow a baby can almost catch them. When they die in conspicuous places, babies can certainly catch them.

Toddling infants improve housekeeping skills.

Amelia has cut two top teeth, Anastasia has one.

They sit up to the table with us and beg for scraps.

Amelia wants it now, Anastasia wants it her way.

Amelia likes to be sung to sleep. Anastasia is too busy singing along to fall asleep.

Something You Don't See Every Day

Okay, Have you ever seen me post a recipe? Not only am I posting one, but I made it up.

Orangesicle Cake

1 Yellow cake according to directions.
1 Small box orange gelatin
4 oz cream cheese
1/4 cup butter
2 cups powdered sugar
5-7 mandarin orange slices

Dissolve gelatin in one cup of boiling water. Let cool about 10 minutes. Poke holes in cake with end of wooden spoon. Pour gelatin into holes of cake. Refrigerate at least one hour.

Soften cream cheese and butter. Beat with mixer until smooth. Thoroughly drain oranges. Beat into cream cheese mixture. Spread over cake. Eat small pieces, as it is very sweet.

I would have posted this yesterday, but my power went out as I was trying to. We got "hit by the hurricane" ever so mildly. The winds blew and the rains fell, but not too much rain at all. Everything got wet, but nothing close to flooding. Today it is bright and sunny.

All of the kids were here and when the power went off in the middle of the day, most everybody fell asleep.

Today we got all 10 of us to 9 am church on time, but before sacrament was over I had to take Mike back home because he left the meeting 4 times trying to get his stomach and intestines under control. He had a little Nyquil, so he is feeling better--I guess *zzzz*

The kids are at the park. Life is good

Product Peves

Okay, I absolutely love my new house; first of all that it is mine and besides that it has room that I can work with. That said, I want to complain. We bought brand new Maytag appliances--except we still have our old refrigerator. The oven/stove is fine, does the job, but I hate the controls on the overhead microwave. Everything requires a minimum of 2-3 buttons before engaging. The auto defrost it is better than the Kenmore I was using. It requires a total of three rather than the previous four touches.

I miss my GE it was beautiful. Everything was one touch--no need to even push start a lot of the time. The popcorn button was just one, perfect choice that started as soon as it was touched. Numbers 1-6 were also one-touch and represented the number of minutes it would cook as soon as the number was pressed. If you wanted, say, 10 seconds, then you would push time cook before hitting the numbers to prevent the one-touch activation.

The main issue here is my need to use multiple buttons to prevent uneven wear (which I have discussed in earlier posts Non-Disclosure Agreement and More OCD) The only relief for the soon-to-be-worn-out start button is the add 30 sec button.

I am also not impressed with my new dishwasher. The stupid silverware rack is right in the middle like an old one would be and it only has five compartments. I have trained my children to separate big spoons, little spoons, big forks, little forks, knives, serving spoons, and oversize utensils. now they don't have the space to do that, and neither do I. What's more, the top rack is over-specialized into different levels and angled pegs, minimizing the flexible capacity of the dishwasher. It has some fold-down shelves to double one side of space, but the Kenmore I was using had the same, but without all the odd niches. It also had 9 silverware compartments snugly fit along the side of the bottom shelf, leaving the entire bottom free for whatever configuration the user deems necessary.

That's all I have to say about that.

I have added two more of Clara's letters to the Laygacy blog if you haven't checked that in a while.

Getting Settled

The babies bedroom was the first place to get completely set up--minus the books on the empty bookshelf. They enjoy playing in their new bedroom and in the living area outside their bedroom when the gate is up at the stairs.











They can keep themselves entertained for at least an hour which has really helped me get stuff done around here. There is not a whole lot left to do except the boys bedroom and some general organization and picture hanging, decor, etc. stuff.







They slept for 12 hours last night with only one 2:30 wake up, so I feel rested again. They have yet to make a habit of such kindness, but it is getting closer. Anastasia was the one who woke up, but I made a bottle for Amelia at the same time and rolled the sleeping child over and popped it in her mouth.


The toy box has hardly anything in it, but the girls love to stand against it and drum on it. That is what they do more than anything; whenever they encounter a new surface, they have to slap it to see how it sounds. I don't remember that so much with my babies that did not have a drummer as a father, but that may just be poor memory.

These outfits are a size nine months. My babies just turned 8 months and they are able to wear 12 month clothes. The 6-9 are really tight on them. This is really strange for me. I am used to my babies being behind the curve. Their legs are proportionally fairly long, it seems. They don't look stubby even with their chubby.



Anastasia is closest to the crib and Amelia is closest to the dresser. When they sleep, I make sure to trade off with who gets the crib and who gets the Pack n' Play, they don't seem to care either way






These are the first phases of getting the living/dining room put together. I don't have high chairs and the swing got left in the back yard, so the babies are eating peaches on the bar stools.

The blue recliner seen here will eventually be covered with a tan durasuede cover. It was in my bedroom, but since we can't fit both of our gigantic couches reasonably in our living room, the chaise sofa is going in the second living room upstairs and the recliner provides extra seating in the main living area. I wanted to put the TV out of the focus of the downstairs living room, but since the master is downstairs and the kids are up, I didn't want the TV where they could get up and watch it without us knowing.



This picture was before Mike was able to help me get it up the stairs. Anastasia has taken to my coaching about how to safely roll off the couch to a stand. We will start working on safely maneuvering the stairs before too long. They pull themselves up to a stand now, but are not yet climbing, so stairs are not a priority.

Back to School

I don't have any first day of school snapshots. We moved in the week after school was supposed to have started, but it turned out that it didn't matter.

About a month ago, I was fighting with Matt about who was to get the kids this year. When I got married I let them stay with their dad with the expectation that they would live with me the following year so they would have time to adjust to my new marriage and have one last year in their old school. The expectation was that the third year their dad would move to the Dallas area and we would be able to go back to 50/50 custody. He didn't get transferred, so we had to come up with a different plan. I expected Isaac and Emylie to stay with their dad this year and have Andrew and Claire start in their new permanent school this year, where they would not have to change schools again. Their dad thought that we agreed to trade them every year. That sucks for the kids.

We weren't getting any closer to an agreement as the school year was fast approaching so I suggested mediation. The final result was that the kids would be with Matt for this school year, but permanently with me after that "unless they choose otherwise" but that they would have to talk to a counselor before making the decision to separate from their siblings.

There's a lot more blah-di-blah, but that's the short of it. What I noticed this morning is that most of the focus of my energy in moving out and unpacking has been on the kids' bedrooms. That's when I realized how much I miss them.

I've said before that I am not one of those mom's that gets wrapped up in their kids as identity. But being a mom means doing certain things for your kids: getting them ready (up at least) for school, making meals, being in the same house. It didn't seem hard the first year. Maybe because I was newly married. But this year I have two amazing babies to occupy my time. I am still being a full time mother. I guess it is just the emptiness of failed expectation.

Back in the Saddle

Mike went out to get a Dr. Pepper, so I need to post before he gets back.

We are officially moved into our new house with much help from our old Ward and our new one. We are so thankful for the church and for good friends in it.

The babies had a rough couple of nights. Friday they spent the night with Heather, my visiting teacher while we tried to get packing stuff done. Because I was so wound up about what we needed to do, I didn't get any more sleep than I would have if they were here. They slept on the floor one night in the old house and one night in the new house. When I finally was able to get the crib set up (someone put the pack and play in the moving truck) Amelia giggled when she saw it. She was excited just to sit in her own bed. Last night they only woke up once, and I had gone to slee early, so for the first time in I don't know how long, I slept really well.

Today I did laundry and unpacked a number of boxes. The kitchen is almost done and the babies' room is done. My bathroom is looking great too. Everything else is poo poo poo.

Mike's home, gotta go!