Back to School

I don't have any first day of school snapshots. We moved in the week after school was supposed to have started, but it turned out that it didn't matter.

About a month ago, I was fighting with Matt about who was to get the kids this year. When I got married I let them stay with their dad with the expectation that they would live with me the following year so they would have time to adjust to my new marriage and have one last year in their old school. The expectation was that the third year their dad would move to the Dallas area and we would be able to go back to 50/50 custody. He didn't get transferred, so we had to come up with a different plan. I expected Isaac and Emylie to stay with their dad this year and have Andrew and Claire start in their new permanent school this year, where they would not have to change schools again. Their dad thought that we agreed to trade them every year. That sucks for the kids.

We weren't getting any closer to an agreement as the school year was fast approaching so I suggested mediation. The final result was that the kids would be with Matt for this school year, but permanently with me after that "unless they choose otherwise" but that they would have to talk to a counselor before making the decision to separate from their siblings.

There's a lot more blah-di-blah, but that's the short of it. What I noticed this morning is that most of the focus of my energy in moving out and unpacking has been on the kids' bedrooms. That's when I realized how much I miss them.

I've said before that I am not one of those mom's that gets wrapped up in their kids as identity. But being a mom means doing certain things for your kids: getting them ready (up at least) for school, making meals, being in the same house. It didn't seem hard the first year. Maybe because I was newly married. But this year I have two amazing babies to occupy my time. I am still being a full time mother. I guess it is just the emptiness of failed expectation.