Breakthrough

I was in SUCH a bad mood last night. Everything I saw filled me with frustration or rage. I realized I was finally snapping. I've been patient in affliction and resigned to my fate, whether sickness, criticism, lack of control of my own life. (I sleep and eat when my babies let me.) I am doing absolutely everything I can, and it is not enough. That's frustrating. Beyond that, I had not slept for more than a 3-4 hour stretch for who knows how long, and lately it's been mostly 2 hours at a time. Wow, just the thought of it makes me want to cry.

The babies have been eating every two hours since they got home from the hospital, and I don't begrudge them that because that is what they have needed to get better. I started increasing their intake per feeding, hoping that would stretch the time a little bit, but it only got an extra hour in the middle of the night.

Last night they were voracious. They were eating six to eight ounces--which it took a full hour to do, and 1 or two hours after they were done, they would want more. Finally, at 11:00 they had their last feeding. I was asleep by midnight. When the alarm went off at 6:30, they had still not asked for more. Tragically, I had to wake up then, because they would end up sleeping until 8. (Though that did make time for some other very important activities before I had to feed them again.) I fed them myself and then fed them another four ounce bottle each and they slept again until noon. That gave me a little more nap time, except that I let Claire, who has a monster ear infection watch a movie and when she rolled over to rest on her good ear she couldn't hear, so she cranked up the volume and woke me up.

Yeah, I took her to the doctor yesterday. She was sick through spring break. She went to school on Wednesday, but woke up crying in the middle of the night with ear pain. She slept ALL day yesterday. Even when we were in the doctor's office. Mike and I both got nasty flu on Tuesday that has wiped us out, but we still keep functioning--because we have to. I have a major cold sore AGAIN that is being kept at bay by Abreeva as well. (I have it because of 1. stress 2. cold sore, fever blister flu--get it? 3. peanuts--peanuts and corn react with people who get cold sores.

My blogs didn't used to be like this, did they? All of you would complain about your flu seasons, and I would smugly talk about how me and my kids never get sick. That was when I was making dinner at a regular time every night, made mostly from scratch with fresh or frozen vegatables, sparing amounts of meat and, oh yeah, SUPERGREENS. I was also not draining my life force into two little babies, and I was also not eating as much candy as I have been lately. We stocked up on Valentines candy, and then came Easter. You know for 2 hours after you eat high-sugar foods, your white blood cells are crippled--affecting immunity.

I need to do a couple of things around here and go pick up Emylie from Hallsville. You're tired of reading anyway.