Song Request

Emylie asked me this afternoon if I could send her the lyrics to one of the songs I wrote that I sing to the kids on occasion. I did not feel like texting it, and she doesn't have a working email, so she suggested I post it. It was originally a poem--two separate ones that I wrote before I got out of high school. I put the lyrics into their current form not long before Claire was born and created the melody about the same time. It begins with the chorus.

Every year a thousand love songs,
Are not even sung.
A thousand more will come along,
But won't be number one.

A thousand love songs don't begin
To sing the song of heart.
Love is endless and eternal.
One song, the smallest part.

Verse
Why does love inspire the poet,
With countless verse and song?
Is it the pain that many feel,
When love affairs go wrong?

The joy of love inspires the poet,
With wonder that it brings.
Never should our hearts forgo it.
It is what makes us sing.

Repeat Chorus.

Love you Emylie.

Breakthrough

I was in SUCH a bad mood last night. Everything I saw filled me with frustration or rage. I realized I was finally snapping. I've been patient in affliction and resigned to my fate, whether sickness, criticism, lack of control of my own life. (I sleep and eat when my babies let me.) I am doing absolutely everything I can, and it is not enough. That's frustrating. Beyond that, I had not slept for more than a 3-4 hour stretch for who knows how long, and lately it's been mostly 2 hours at a time. Wow, just the thought of it makes me want to cry.

The babies have been eating every two hours since they got home from the hospital, and I don't begrudge them that because that is what they have needed to get better. I started increasing their intake per feeding, hoping that would stretch the time a little bit, but it only got an extra hour in the middle of the night.

Last night they were voracious. They were eating six to eight ounces--which it took a full hour to do, and 1 or two hours after they were done, they would want more. Finally, at 11:00 they had their last feeding. I was asleep by midnight. When the alarm went off at 6:30, they had still not asked for more. Tragically, I had to wake up then, because they would end up sleeping until 8. (Though that did make time for some other very important activities before I had to feed them again.) I fed them myself and then fed them another four ounce bottle each and they slept again until noon. That gave me a little more nap time, except that I let Claire, who has a monster ear infection watch a movie and when she rolled over to rest on her good ear she couldn't hear, so she cranked up the volume and woke me up.

Yeah, I took her to the doctor yesterday. She was sick through spring break. She went to school on Wednesday, but woke up crying in the middle of the night with ear pain. She slept ALL day yesterday. Even when we were in the doctor's office. Mike and I both got nasty flu on Tuesday that has wiped us out, but we still keep functioning--because we have to. I have a major cold sore AGAIN that is being kept at bay by Abreeva as well. (I have it because of 1. stress 2. cold sore, fever blister flu--get it? 3. peanuts--peanuts and corn react with people who get cold sores.

My blogs didn't used to be like this, did they? All of you would complain about your flu seasons, and I would smugly talk about how me and my kids never get sick. That was when I was making dinner at a regular time every night, made mostly from scratch with fresh or frozen vegatables, sparing amounts of meat and, oh yeah, SUPERGREENS. I was also not draining my life force into two little babies, and I was also not eating as much candy as I have been lately. We stocked up on Valentines candy, and then came Easter. You know for 2 hours after you eat high-sugar foods, your white blood cells are crippled--affecting immunity.

I need to do a couple of things around here and go pick up Emylie from Hallsville. You're tired of reading anyway.

Gaining

Did I say how I gained four pounds in the hospital? I ate 3 big meals a day. I would be a heavier person if I was interested in putting the effort into preparing food. Did I tell you that my thyroid results came back normal? I got so skinny so fast after the babies because I never got fat with the babies. All I gained was 12+ pounds of baby and fluid--to include the fluid in my ankles.

More importantly than my gaining, the babies are gaining. Amelia has caught up with Anastasia. They both have a double chin now.

This is what my yard looked like when it snowed.

Here are some pictures of the babies over the past 3 weeks. Claire took this picture of Amelia before they went to the hospital.

This is both of them the day I brought Anastasia home. Amelia is in the foreground and is obviously not well. It would be one more day before she was admitted.

This is Anastasia while Amelia was in the hospital.

This is Amelia the day before she came home from the hospital. (Same day as the previous picture.)

This is Amelia today doing well and strong. They can control their neck and back enough to sit with only their hands being held.

Anastasia. Whachu talkin' about Willis?

Side by side comparison.

Feeding Time

The twins are nine weeks old now. I don't know how much longer they will be breastfed babies. I really don't want to buy formula in bulk--massive bulk, but having the babies in the hospital made a difficult situation even worse.

I pumped with the hospital's machine, which was great, while I was there. When Mike was at the hospital, I had the other baby at home, so essentially I was doing one-baby production. Now that they are doing better, they are also demanding more. They want 5 or six ounces per feeding, and they want it every 2-3 hours.

My soreness had gone away, but it is back with avengance. I would rather feed Amelia exclusively and go bottle with Anastasia because Amelia is gentler. What's sad is that I would rather pump than have those hard little jaws pulling and latching and releasing. I want to give up, but I am still hanging in there.

Now that they are getting more formula Anastasia is sleeping for up to seven hours at a time and Amelia is maxing out at five hours. Now I just need to adjust it so that the5-7 hours ends at 6:30 AM when I have to get the other kids up for school.

New Blog

I just started a family history blog for my side of the family. I will regularly be posting information that I have so that all of you can access it easily. I am starting with the 1913 letters to Thomas Henry Lay from his new bride, Clara Eydelle Gibson. Check it out--whether you are family or not. Laygacy.

Free at Last

Amelia is finally home. She did not get out until Sunday because the pediatrician was being overly cautious. She is happy to be home and doing well.

Mom is still here. We spent yesterday afternoon cleaning and rearranging the girls' room so we can get the crib into it. I did a whole bunch on the boys room as well, with the kids help. It is a really long process, though, but that is because of how messy the rooms were. My bedroom is part of the deal, too. We hope to move out of this place by the time school is out. I am beginning to wonder if I will get these rooms redone by then. Darn that HGTV! I wouldn't be doing all this if I hadn't become addicted to it. I just wish I owned rather than rented.

I was using my left hand to type. Now baby two is being fed on that side and I am typing with my right. It is so good to have them together again. They are 2 months old now. They more aware of their environment and have learned that they can reach, touch, and make things move. They are trying to form specific sounds, rather than just crying to communicate.

Anastasia pushes her shoulders up when she is on her stomach, she is so strong. Amelia has a little catching up to do because of her time in. She is still very strong--and very funny. I was holding her back while she was sitting on my lap, and she started doing the miss thang bobble head. She did it a few times--especially after mom and I started laughing at her--like it was totally on purpose. They are exceptionally adorable.

End of the Tunnel

I was hoping Amelia would be released today because they took her off the oxygen yesterday and she has been maintaining very well. They had to deep suction her (Where there stick a tube down her nose and turn on a vacuum) last night, though so the doctor wants to keep her. All I have have is the little blue bulb to work with, so they want to make sure that whatever crud she produces can be managed with the bulb. Still, we are at the end of the tunnel and will probably be out of there tomorrow (Saturday).

Anastasia misses her sister. Mom is here so she stayed the night with Amelia, which made the first night that I have slept with my husband in nearly a week. Mom only had worked her job for four days before she flew down here, but they are so desperate for her, and so appreciative of her that they let her go. I bet she did as much in those few days as the others there will get done in the next week.

Last night was open house at the elementary school, and I finally got time to help Andrew finnish his Famous American project that was due last week. His teacher gave us an extension because of the hospital issue. He did a Power Point on Abe Lincoln. Isaac is good enough with that that he helped Andrew get it started. Then I helped him add the rest of the information he needed.

Claire is in fourth grade so she did a performance at the open house on her recorder. The teacher had them play along with Desperado and they sang and danced to Crocodile Rock.

By the way, Arren HAS been a tremendous help. She and Scott have been here with Anastasia and the kids when Mike and I were trading off, or Mike had to work. Thanks Guys!

Better

We are nearly in a routine now. Amelia is doing much better. Funny how that coincided with them letting her eat. I have been pumping on the Hospital's Medela Symphony pump, which is great--should be for 1500 dollars. It doesn't bite me with hard gums. Still, I miss holding my babies. Well, anastasia is sleeping on me right now, and I need to go to bed myself, but I wanted to update you. I have a feeling they might move Amelia out of the ICU tomorrow. After that, they will want to monitor her for 1-2 days, but I am hopeful that we are nearing the end.

The problem we are having right now is that Mike has taken off work for 2 days and I can't be in 2 places at once. Mike is insistent that we not bring Anastasia back to the hospital, so we need to find someone to take care of Anastasia while I stay with Amelia so Mike can work. The Relief Society President and I have already done a search for someone to take care of her, but everybody has kids, which is a health risk for the kids, and for Anastasia. I can't figure it out. We'll have to, though.

Anyway,things are getting better. I'm off to bed.

Bad

Not like Michael Jackson, Bad, even worse, like Weird Al. Mom probably notified you already, but Amelia went to the hospital on Saturday. Everything we did for her only helped a little bit. She was still having retractions when breathing (where the stomach pokes out and the lungs suck in). She was gasping for air and her head was bobbing when she breathes.

The doctor was becoming concerned that the effort she was expending to just keep breathing was causing her to become fatigued. I had to agree, because I felt it myself. For a while there she was having coughing fits every five minutes, which makes sleeping, or even resting, nearly impossible. So they put her into the ICU. Even there the treatment has been only minimal help. Still, we've done everything we can do. The rest is up to her. Her little body has to do what Heavenly Father designed it to, heal. She will fight with miraculous might and be just fine.

Still, I am a wrick--see what I mean? I don't like this one bit. Not only is there the horribleness of watching your perfect little one suffer, but the emotions are amplified by exhaustion. To the next level of misery, I have the same thing they have. I don't complain much, and even when things are bad I put a good face on it, but this is crap. Crappy crap.

Mike and I changed shifts last night, though, so I have been home all night. Anastasia must be lonely or worried or something, because she would not sleep, not even on my chest like they ususally do when they are gassy or restless.

I remembered this morning that Andrew had told me on Saturday morning that his Famous American project was due today, so I made a stovepipe hat and a beard out of black construction paper and gave Andrew his black suit jacket so that he could be in the parade and asked the teacher for extra time to do the rest of the project.

When I mentioned Andrew's project, Isaac said, oh yeah, my personal history project for Language Arts (when did "English" become not good enough?) was also due today. He said he had everything printed out and ready, having done it "at school" (which concerns me) and that all he needed was 10 pictures. Fortunately he is the first kid, and I did manage to find that many, though I had to steal a couple, from the only photo albums I could find.

Apparently the talent show is today for Isaac as well, and he needs a CD to sing to. I guess I'd better get that together for him, since that is why I turned the computer on in the first place. Then, maybe I can get some rest this morning.

Ugh!

I am back from the hospital. Hopefully I won't have to go back. Amelia has the crud now too. So do I. I have chills and aches and I am hacking nasties. Anastasia is definitely better, but I have to pull stuff out with the bulb regularly. My fabulous ward is bringing the family meals for a couple of days. They did get off easy after I had the twins, since there were so many family members here to help, but it was really nice to lay in bed this evening and wait for the knock at the door.

Mike was able (not really but he did) to take a little time off work while I was in the hospital. Now he has to make up for it, though. It is 9:00 and he still isn't home. I believe he went in at 7 this morning too. (I don't know I was in the hospital.) I need to get the kids to bed now.

Hospital

I am on my home shift while Mike stays with Anastasia in the hospital. She has RSV. They are suctuining out her nose with a vacuum peridically. That is all they can do for her, apart from monitoring. Amelia is fine. She had the runny nose and gook in her eyes last week, but did not get sick like this. This crud is so prevalent that we spent the night in the ER because nthere were no beds in the hospital. We were not able to get a room until 3:00 this afternoon. She will have to be in there until it has run its full course, which may be as late as Friday.

As if I wasn't missing sleep enough. The other big news is, it snowed about an inch here last night. I did not see a flake of it because I was holed up in the hospital. but I told Isaac to take pictures. It stuck a little but the ground was super wet from 2 days of rain.

Did You Miss Me?

I have not been blogging so much lately. I have been busy. This week I have had Mom Skembo with me again. I have been able to do a bunch of stuff that I was not able to do when spending all day feeding and taking care of babies. We cleaned and rearranged the living room so that it is more open and Mike's drums are not the focal point of the room. In the process we also redesigned the dining room. This has made room in my kitchen cabinets for the newly necessary bottles and sippy cups. See, I have spent my nursing time, and my have to hold the babies or they cry time in front of HGTV. Inspiring! I still haven't refinished the furnishings to complete the look, but there is a marked difference, that will, hopefully translate into a cleaner, more efficient space.

I got the kids to help me work on the yard. We raked leaves, since fall is officially over, and no more leaves will be falling. We still have to take care of all the branches that fell of the dead trees out front, I hope to get to some of that today, but this morning is the quarterly primary activity. I want to take today to have some fun with my kids, though, so I hope we can get it taken care of. If I didn't feel like having fun, I would continue to work on the boys' room with them so that they could get their room redesign. I will be taking Isaac's full bed, and putting the mattress under the girls' full bottom bunk so that it is a trundle. Isaac will be getting Emylie's twin bed, which will free up space in the girls' room for the crib.

We are really hoping to move as school gets out, but in the meantime, we might as well make this a nice place to live.

Anastasia is sleeping on my chest now. She has horrible congestion and a runny nose. They are 7 weeks old with their first cold. Amelia got stuffed up last week, and I just thought it was allergies to go with her eczema. Though she is better of than her sister now.