Today I lounged around in bed a little bit with my husband. Nice. Then I made brunch--bacon, eggs, pancakes. Then I was set to have my husband help me in the garage. He complains that he doesn't have a place to park his car, and he has a window that won't roll up the last inch or two, so I figured he would be motivated. I told him we only needed a half an hour and that I couldn't do it without him because of being in my "delicate condition." He whined like a little crybaby. He had his heart set on something else.

See, Tuesday this week, in case you hadn't heard, was the release of Halo 3. Mike bought it on Thursday at the Microsoft company store for half what everybody else paid because he has a friend who works there. He has had few hours to play because of his work schedule. Rather than getting up to help me, he handed me a second game controller. He taught me the night before how to play, but rather than shooting at him this afternoon, we shot at other things together. I saved his back, he saved mine. It was tender.

All the kids are with us this weekend. (They were watching TV while we were lounging this morning, and they were playing outside while we were killing things.) We took them to the Aquatic Center and let them play at the indoor pool. Then we went to the adjacent park for just a few minutes after that.

There in the park was one of the most elaborate birthday parties for young ones I have ever seen. A mother was dressed as Tinker Bell, and all the girls had fairy wings and skirts, while all of the boys had pirate hats and patches. They were organized on a painted tarp, which they left for a scavenger hunt. They all came back in an orderly fashion and ate pizza to be followed by cake. One of the things they ended up with from the treasure hunt was a "rock" (baked salt dough) filled with a jewel/ treasure. It was nearly inspiring.

Mike had to go into work this evening--again. I at least had a little chance to talk with him about our holiday travel plans. I was looking up hotels and ticket prices last night for our trip to Disney world. When I started planning the trip last year, I had intended to stay at the Disney accomodations. However, we have a friend with a time-share condo in FL, who can't use her week this year, and she offered to let us have the week, so I got my brain around that idea and was told that, as I expected, there were no availabilties for the holidays. That got me looking into other options, though, and the prospects are good--even without doing the priceline, name your price. I am really getting excited about the trip. If I keep saving at the rate I have been we will be able to go without any problem--except for the issue of being 9 months pregnant.

I am typing with my tired, chlorinated eyes closed. I wanted to look into some other planning stuff, but it will have to wait. Goodnight

First Win

Last night was Isaac's third game. The first one was a huge loss. The second one they lost by half as much. This game they won 6-22. I was glad to be there for it. I hate that I have to pay $9 for myself and the kids to get into it, but at least the school covers the full cost of uniforms, etc. I think Mike bought him some cleats and a cup, but that is the only expense besides paying the boosters for the game.

Mike would have been at the game, but he went to Lexi's game an hour away. She is cheerleading. She only has four games that she is cheering for, and this is the second one. I don't know whether or not they won, but I know Lexi did a good job.

I had to rush out of Isaac's game to get to Relief Society. I have not been very good at going to that lately, but I am trying more, and I am glad I did. The kids went to the church with me and played in the gym. One of the ladies complemented me on their unsupervised behavior. She saw them in the hall because she had to take out her crying baby.

Now it is time to make dinner before I have to take Isaac to scouts. Tuesdays and Wednesdays are my taxi days.

Two Weeks of Five Days

I am on my second week of five days of work in a row. I had gotten used to having a day or two off in the middle of the week. I really appreciate having time when the kids are not here to get things done. When I work all week that leaves me with no time when the kids are not here. Right now all I have time for is griping at the kids about doing homework and chores.

I guess I have just spent too many years as an at home mom. What I am doing now, though is only so we can go on our family vacation. Once that is over I will go back to being an at home mom. My income won't be missed because it is all going into savings right now. I will miss my discount, but I am saving up 20% off coupons to make up for it. In case you didn't know, we are trained to pay no attention to expiration dates on Bed Bath and Beyond coupons.

There is still a baby growing inside of me. I love that it is there, but I don't pay much attention to the reality of it. I did a baby journal for all of the others--some more than others. Maybe I have not had the reality dose of hearing the heartbeat and seeing the ultrasound to help me get into being pregnant.

Because the baby was so active lately, and I feel like my belly has gotten so huge lately, I was wondering if it might be twins. Mike's mom said it runs in her family every generation, except for hers. However, I was talking to Marianne at church who, herself is a twin, has had her ultrasound because of her own concerns. She is a couple of weeks different from me, and she is about the same size as me. Her ultrasound shows up single. I like the idea of having a double batch for the last one, but raising an only child will be an interesting experience.

Better go make the kids get their work done.

The Invisible Woman

Got this email today, and I thought of myself and a few other people who stop in here now and then.

It started to happen gradually. One day I was walking my son Jake to school. I was holding his hand and we were about to cross the street when the crossing guard said to him, "Who is that with you, young fella?" "Nobody," he shrugged. Nobody? The crossing guard and I laughed. My son is only 5, but as we crossed the street I thought,"Oh my goodness, nobody?"

Just the other night my husband and I were out at a party. We'd been there for about three hours and I was ready to leave. I noticed he was talking to a friend from work. So I walked over, and when there was a break in the conversation, I whispered, "I'm ready to go when you are." He just kept right on talking.

Then I realized, I'm invisible. It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?" Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

I'm invisible.

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England . Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was >hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this."
It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work.
No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.

The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you
spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it." And the workman replied, "Because God sees." [I thought of the pioneer artisans of the 40- year building of the Salt Lake Temple.]

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.
I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there."

As mothers, we are building great [temples]. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

I broke the 120 lb. mark today! My belly is getting noticeable enough that people are not afraid to ask about my pregnancy. Baby was moving all over the place last night.

I have not had nearly enough sleep lately. I can tell because the solution to everything is: rage about it. Yelling and screaming helps. Especially when there is someone to yell at. I have never been one to take it out on my husband, but my kids--and especially drivers of other cars--get the full blast. Really, I don't like it.

I called T-Mobile about my outrageous phone bill, and rather than yell at the lady, I started the conversation with "I'm in a really bad mood, so don't take it personally." She laughed and it ended up being a really enjoyable conversation. I have gotten a little irritable at my store manager when he has been in a bad mood, but I would never show that face to a customer. It is tragic that my children are the ones who are the outlet for my frustration. But to be honest, they are the source of much of it. However, so is my husband, but I don't go off on him. Why is that?

Oh, and I don't care what you think. I don't even like you any more. This blog is for me, not for anyone else. If you cared, you would make a freaking comment now and then. No, no, don't start now. You have had four posts to make a comment. 0 is the amount of concern I have for your input or opinion. Don't worry, I'm not going to stop commenting on your blog just because you can't take the time for mine. The piddly details of your life are no more interesting than mine. It is all stupid, mundane stuff we talk about, but this is MY life. If it doesn't matter to anyone else, it doesn't have to. It matters to me! Like I said, I'm not doing this for you. It is a record of my life, for my sake because I matter--to ME.

Today should be my day off, but the other girl had her baby last weekend, so I am getting more hours. For the first time I consented to work on a Saturday last weekend . I am working this morning, and I am late to get ready.

Third Blog This Morning

So, apart from Isaac's first football game, which we all went to and watched as a family (Matt even came, as he was in town working that day) and my new dryer, I have a baby in my tummy.

It has been resting for a few days through its growth spurt, but this morning there is a lot of activity. I finally started wearing the maternity clothes that Devanie gave me, but all of the pants are capri length, so I can't wear them to work without looking like a dork in my tennis shoes. IMO, only sandals or dress shoes should be worn with capris--stillettos are questionable depending on how tight the capris are and what message you want to convey.

So, I broke down and bought myself one pair of full-price maternity pants that fit me. I will wear them every day that I work for as long as I work as a pregnant woman. I absolutely love getting a good deal. I hate that there is no such thing as maternity clearance. Maternity clothes are function-driven, not fashion-driven, so there is no selection and no merchandizer motivation to move them out at discount prices. So I have to pay full price for clothes that I can only wear for six months.

I had bought two pair of size 6 jeans a few months ago for under $10 (total) for that in-between phase where maternity just didn't work, but neither did my old pants. The good news is, now that I am in maternity, I can buy at my original size and have all the other proportions where they belong.

Claire stayed home from school yesterday, because she had a bellyache. I usually don't go for that, but I just let her stay. Mike was happy to have an excuse to "work from home." He went in to work as soon as I got home, though, and still put in a full six hours.

It was Wednesday, so I took Isaac to scouts, and for the first time took the girls to Achievement days in this ward since they are with me for the week. They had a great time. I wish I could have Lexi in YW and Mikey in scouts too. Emylie will be in YW in Nov. Maybe we can get her Faith in God completed before then.

I think my washing machine has stopped. Time to go make use of my wonderful dryer.

Old News You Didn't Know

Remember my washer and dryer saga? Mike made the washing machine functional, which was great. I still can't do a full-size load of jeans without a failed spin cycle, but it works well--except for the mysterious leak I discovered when we cleared everything out of the laundry room.

Why did we clear out the laundry room? The 20-year old dryer our home teacher gave us was functional, but it snagged the clothes between the drum and base occasionally and left brown streaks. That was the problem I had with the previous dryer, except that they were much larger black streaks until it swallowed a sock and would not turn anymore. Well, the home-teacher dryer just stopped heating alltogether.

So, two weeks ago, rather than beat a dead horse, we went to the Sears Outlet and found a good deal on a scratch and ding dryer. It is a Kenmore Elite Oasis. The cheapest, bare bones dryer we could buy was $325. It was a no-name, moderate capacity, two-button, tiny opening dryer that had no appeal other than price. For $70 more, we got electronic programming and customizable functions with a mega capacity and huge front-load opening. As it is nearly an $800 dryer, we got it for 50% off. That's the way I roll.

Fall and Football

Did I tell you Isaac signed up for football this year. In 7th and 8th grades if you take athletics, they are able to participate in intramural competitive sports. Isaac got the class this year--which Mike really wanted him to take last year. Because of Mike's encouragement, he has shifted his opinion of the sport and is now developing those skills.

Because of the size of the classes, and the policy of no one getting cut, they have two teams, the A team and the B team. Isaac is a receiver on the B Team. They had their first game on Tuesday. He got a little game time and was able to hold his own. They lost 30-0. Isaac was consoled by the fact that the A Team, which played after his game lost 60-0. I guess our team has a lot of work to do.

Tuesday the weather was perfect for a first football game. The morning started out nearly cold (in relative terms. It actually felt like fall. The rest of the day was very moderate and there was a cool breeze during the game that almost made up for the glaring sun as the bleachers we were on faced directly west. Today is supposed to be back to the 90's, though, so fall is just teasing us.

P.S.

Hey all, Mike has updated his blog again, but it is not merely an update. He is writing a novel and posting it for your pleasure. He will be far more motivated to continue with it if he knows you are anticipating the next installment by posting your comments on what he has written thus far. Click on My Husband Mike on the right.

I Hate School

The kids are enjoying their new school and doing really well. I am happy for them, and I love learning and encourage them to do it. Still, I hate school. Every day there is another note for $5 for this or $10 for that, and we need $15 for another thing. As if my neighbors and landlord don't pay enough taxes to cover that! Just kidding--kind of.

Then there are planners and notes to sign and homework to follow through with and check up on. Then the short time that is left of the evening, after I have taken the time to make a decent dinner, is just enough to exert all my remaining energy to hound the kids about completing their chores. We have time to read scripture and say prayer (usually) and go to bed in order to get the needed full night's sleep. Of course, it wouldn't be any big deal if they would just do their homework, eat their dinner and finish their chores, but they do not.

I have to admit, though, that having the children properly trained to do chores has been a significant relief to me. I do not do dishes--except the weekends when the kids aren't here. It is then I miss them most. It is impossible for one woman to work part time, as I do and maintain a civilized home by herself. But it really is a blessing to have children who are old enough to fully participate in house care and be held responsible for its success (to my standards).

I am most excited with Isaac's progress this year. They gave him Pre-Athletics during 7th period, which qualifies him to participate in whatever competitive sports they are focusing on for the season. Isaac opted to sign up for an additional hour of "P.E." in the form of football practice. Because he is still small (though he has grown so much these past months that his Sunday clothes look funny on him) he is a receiver. There is a fascinating growth in his maturity since school started. His voice is cracking as well.

Since I am falling asleep, I leave you here.

Growing Pains

I did not realize how much space the baby is taking up until today when at work, I got a jab in my ribs. It was a hurt I am very familiar with. The baby was just stretching into new territory. I had to push down on it to make it get out of there. I am sure it will happen many more times, but this was a first. I just hadn't realized it had already grown that much. My belly is sticking out a little, but my U is well past my belly button and up to my ribs. Granted, with as short waisted as I am, it is not hard to reach that height. I am solidly 118 lbs now. In my daily fluctuations I have not gotten over 119.5. My body fat ranges from 19-23%, depending on how hydrated I am.

Time to make dinner

Raging H

I am grumpy. Grumpy, Grumpy, GRUMPY.

And it feels good! Nobody likes being around me, but MAYBE I DON'T WANT TO BE AROUND THEM! (Pause for maniacal laughter followed by a leak of hysterical tears.)

Don't be concerned. It will not harm you.
It's only me pursuing something I'm not sure of...
I chase the bright, illusive butterfly of love.

(More disturbed laughter knowing that so few people will get that joke. It is private--for me.)

My bloodstream is an intricate roller coaster of hormones. I wouldn't be surprised if it was a girl. I remember feeling this out of control when I was pregnant with Claire. I wouldn't be surprised either if it was a boy because that is the only other choice. Isn't it?

I have a wonderful baby growing inside of me. It moves a lot and its movements are getting stronger, though no one wants to keep their hand on my belly long enough to feel it. I am so happy to be pregnant. It is such an amazing, wonderful thing. At 18 weeks people are starting to notice that I am pregnant, but not everyone. We had a ward pool party last night. One of our friends commented on how "perfect" my figure was and was surprised to find out I was pregnant. There was one or two others who had a similar reaction. Me, I feel huge. I think people don't notice my stomach because my bazonkas are getting proportionally huge to my belly growth, so the attention is still higher up. I must say, my new haircut does accentuate my magnificent, slender neck and shoulder line, further drawing attention away from my hips and belly. I look forward to being out of this in-between phase, though, and looking unmistakably pregnant.

Bronco Bash

Last night we went to the middle school Bronco Bash. Mike was not able to go because he had preisthood meeting, but he couldn't go to that because someone was moving in the ward and needed help. He was torn about which to go to. I said something about Brigham Young and "go get the wagons or your religion is vain." But he got a box each of Dots, Mike N Ikes, and Hot Tamales, which the men who went to preisthood did not get.

So I chased four kids around an absolute madhouse. But they enjoyed the bouncies and the velcro wall/suit and watching the dunking booth. There was a band in the cafetorium, but not too many of the kids were into that because it was a bunch of old fat guys.