The Goose is Getting Fat

Christmas is coming
The goose is getting fat
Please put a penny in the old man's hat.
If you haven't got a penny,
a hey-penny will do
If you havent' got a hay-penny
God bless you!

And now for something completely different.
My husband just told me he wants to have a whole month where we try Spam recipes. I suggested that we do that the month leading up to Thanksgiving, so that the kids would really have something to be thankful for by the time the turkey came around.

I started a physiological psychology class next week (biology of the nervous system). That has been fun so far. I love hard sciences (as opposed to social sciences). However, I never see myself working in a biological field. That is saying something, because every class I take I want to change my major, and spend the class figuring out ways to use the knowledge I am acquiring in a professional setting. The biological knowledge will be useful in many other fields, but I have never been interested in medicine (nutrition, maybe). The best part of the class is that it is full of psych majors and we all like digging into the brain and playing with the mind.

I am happy it is Christmastime.

Like a Period

Apparently I only blog once a month.

And I don't include pictures.

What if I am having a violent mood swing, and don't want to do it the way I always do?

Not to Make You Feel Bad

My babies are 2 years and 10 months old. Amelia can identify half of the Alphabet because each letter is associated with someone she knows and loves. G is for Grandma, C is for Claire, U is for Uncle--LeeJoe, Thomas, Matt, etc, etc.

Anastasia can tell me the plot of any show she has seen and has started creating her own story-telling style. Of course they can sing their ABC's and several other songs. And, because they are my children, lovable personality oozes out of everything they do. Anastasia loves to draw hearts and they are almost recognizable as such.

The biggest challenge with them is keeping their clothes on. Every time Anastasia gets a drop of something on her dress she has to get a clean one. Or she has to change if she sees something different lying on the floor that she wants to wear.

The most exceptional thing about them is their memory. They remember names and talk about things from days and months ago.

They are still rambunctious and not very well behaved, because I don't get on them enough to keep them in line.

I like to do more interesting posts, but something is better than nothing, right? My posting on my other blog is exceptionally interesting, though.

Got My Life Back

It has been a month since I last posted on this blog. I did post on my other blog one only three weeks ago. It has been fairly busy, though. Life has finally been restored to the normal order. The kids are back home and in school and Isaac is back in early morning seminary, so I have to wake up at 5:30 in the mornings again. I like waking up that early except that all last week I did not get to bed until midnight. I have not been eating well enough for my body to handle that. I say this as my husband sits down next to me with 4 hot dogs and 3 slices of American cheese melted over the top of them.

Anyway, we have another new car in our driveway this month because my husband had an 18-wheeler roll backwards onto the hood of his BMW. He found a Mercedes to replace it. He got a good deal on it. Half of the price was covered by the insurance settlement from the other car. But we still have two car payments now. Harrumph!

Emylie is going to school in Hallsville still because she has one more month before her dad has to move to San Marcos, which will be 4 hours from us instead of two. Emylie will choose if she wants to go with her dad and start a new school or stay here with the rest of her family. We are praying that she will stay with us. I have had a few good conversations with her about the realities she faces and the impact of her choices. She really needs to be here instead of being alone for 3-4 hours a day, minimum at her dad's house in a place where she knows no one. This is the thing that weighs on the mind of this mother.

My babies are painfully adorable. They have an exceptional command of the english language and utilize it fully. They use three and four syllable words correctly and in context. I wonder if there is a correlation between having multi-syllable names and early vocabulary and intelligence development. Anastasia has only been called by her full name. Same with Amelia. Big name little kid, big brain little kid?

Andrew started Karate this week. Claire and maybe Isaac might be joining him later in the month. Claire started playing the Clarinet in band this year. Isaac is taking advanced digital graphics, which seems to be the only thing he cares about, so I might get him some private lessons with someone we know who is very skilled at that. In fact, I told him I would if he would go to seminary.

The pictures are from Boondocks Motocross track.

That's all for now.

Today is Lexi's birthday. Yesterday we spent the day together as a (partial) family. The twins, Mikey, Dad and I went down to San Antonio to pick up Lexi from Especially For Youth. On the way back we stopped at the Outlet Malls in San Marcos. We allotted two hours for ourselves so that we could get home at a decent hour. We had a good time together except that the babies do not like shopping. They like going to shoe stores if they are allowed to try them all on. Other than that, they fuss and scream a lot.

I have not been working out that much since summer started because if I have not been on the road I have been trying to catch up on housework while keeping the babies occupied or I have started on household projects. I have painted the kitchen and the babies' bedroom as well as the half-bath downstairs. Mike has requested that I not paint anything else until I have done our bathroom because somebody started on it and did not finish. This indicates a change in Mike's opinion of me, as for a long time he has not believed me capable of a good paint job. My recent projects have consistently proven otherwise. Yea!

It changes the dynamic so much to not have the other kids around. They are with their dad for mostly the rest of the summer. I really miss having helpers for the babies, but I still manage to get stuff done--and there are things that I don't have to do when the big kids are not around.

I don't know if I said anything about last Saturday's Karate Tournament. Mike posted some video of Mikey at his competition in Tyler. The babies saw the sparring matches and kept saying, "That's mean!" Andrew has been wanting to take Karate for a long time. I have just not gotten around to setting it up. I have made some calls to get that set up for him and any other kids who want to do it. Who knows, I might even join up. (Doubtful since I already have a gym membership and am under-utilizing it right now.)

Look at that. Two weeks in a row. BAM!

Trained

While I was in Nevada I started to notice how well Anastasia and Amelia were doing with potty training. Since then they have nearly perfected it. Amelia does not even seem to be having a problem at night--to the point that when she asked to wear panties to sleep last night I let her. No problem.

I usually use the handicapped stall because it it the party stall--suitable for a party (potty, whatever) of three. Do you often get the privilege of being in a bathroom stall next to a toddler and parent? The things they say are fantastic. What if we as adults just started talking really loudly in the public restroom: "It's coming." Or "I let the poop down!" Or "It stinky, huh?"

I am so thankful for my older children. All of them, unfortunately, have been with other parents since I got back, so I have been alone with babies a lot. It makes me appreciate how genuinely helpful they are. They still make work for me in their own right, but the babies miss them so much. They talk about their siblings all the time.

They are also still talking about the relatives we visited. A couple of times now Anastasia has started talking out of the blue about how Uncle LeeJoe drove mommy's car and took them swimming. They love to talk on the phone to the people they now know as well (but most of you already knew that).

It is amazing how much they retain and explain. They are starting to understand family relationships (beyond mom and dad) and speak in those terms. They are learning time concepts and talk about "yesterday" and "Sunday" and "tomorrow" and can tell me what happens or will happen or has happened. Their awareness of humor is developing. They love to be silly for attention. They are coming to terms with their identity. Dad calls them "monkey" a lot and they correct him. "I'm not a monkey, I'm Anastasia." "I'm not a baby, I'm Amelia." At the same time they are starting to play roles. "I'm a monkey!" "I'm a baby!"

They have started trying to trick people by telling them they are the twin they are not, but I am never fooled--especially since they say it with that mischievous smile. Amelia loves texting and screams when I have the audacity to use my own phone. Anastasia has turned everything into a camera since we got back from vacation because of all the family reunion pictures we tried to take. She holds any semi-rectangular thing at arms distance and says " 'Mile!"

I had my 38th birthday and because I really needed one, I got a new car for it. It is a 2006 gold Honda Odyssey with DVD, leather, sunroof, and automatic everything. For the first time ever, I have a van with passenger and driver sliding doors--4 vans and 15 years after they started making them. My husband likes it better than his BMW (in some ways).

Life seems to have an openness and a vitality for me today, which is a nice change from the blocked and lifeless feeling that has been creeping up lately.

Falling asleep at the keyboard. I am by myself again because Mike is driving back from SanAntonio where he dropped Lexi off at Especially for Youth. I hope it is a good experience for her.

Yeah, I'm going to sleep now. Love y'all.

A/C at girls camp (not home)

I have been wanting to blog for a long time. Claire had her birthday two weeks ago. When she got back from her dad's we had done most of the construction on a bunk and loft bed we designed for her and the girls. We did not allow her to go upstairs or to her room until her friends arrived for the slumber party. That was the Thursday they got out of school for the summer. I have not posted pictures of the bed because it is still unfinished. Hopefully I will be able to get pretty it up just right while the kids are with their dad a little later this summer.

The first morning we finally had all the kids here, I woke the kids up a little before 6AM to go to the temple for baptisms and realized there was something horribly wrong with the A/C in the middle of an unseasonal heat spike of triple digit temps. Because it was the weekend, nobody was able to do more than tell us what was wrong with it. We decided it would be better to buy a new unit than try to replace that one. To keep ourselves "cool" we spent 4 hours at the pool in the heat of the day. We spent the next two air-conditionerless days in utter misery as we tried to cope with the added heat of our burning flesh. Andrew did not put on sunscreen and has a severe second degree burn on his shoulders. A week later, the rest of us are just starting to shed that top layer of damaged skin.

We sought relief in a hotel on Monday night after the girls headed off to girl's camp and their air-conditioned cabins. We were able to get everything replaced by Tuesday afternoon and live like civilized people--or Texas girls at girl's camp.

Speaking of which, in case you hadn't gathered it, all 3 of my older girls were at camp this year. I think it was a good experience for them, but Claire did not seem that talkative about details.

Mike left around 11pm for a supersonic drive to Arizona to drop off the car Marissa just bought from a person here in Dallas. He will fly back Sunday. I will sleep in my bed now

The Endless Conflict

I have a few minutes before choir practice. Mike is going to pick up the kids and the babies are taking their nap. They will have to go with me to practice.

I have been in a somewhat reflective mode lately. Every 6-9 months or so I go through a what am I going to be when I grow up crisis. I guess it is more of an issue of acknowledging the truth about what I know I have always wanted and figuring out what I can do to get there. When I was talking to my oldest son a week or so ago about taking his schooling and his future seriously I told him to really work for what he really wants to do. I told him how I went to beauty school so I could have a good job while I worked my way through college where I would study to become a teacher so that I would have a backup if what I really wanted didn't work out.

What that really means is that I have spent my whole life on a backup plan, planning to fail at what I really wanted. And I have not even been able to succeed at the backup plan. I know, I know, you don't want me to feel like a failure and you want to remind me what a beautiful family I have. You want to tell me that the years I have spent with them have not been wasted.

Truly, I would be devastated and my life would be empty if I had made the big dream while not being able to get married, or pregnant (or remarried even), because in my heart of hearts, that is the most important thing to me. Truly, I would not trade what I have for any level of success, and I am willing to endure any manner of hardship to keep my family. Nonetheless, I cannot avoid the feeling that I am not operating at full potential.

Of course, as a divine daughter of God, my potential is infinite, and I have eternity to explore the greatness within. But I will not have that infinite opportunity if I do not make the most of the gifts and opportunities I have while in my finite, state. The quality of my life after mortality depends upon the value and diligence of my actions in this life.

It is two days later. I never even turned on my computer yesterday and I did not get through the laundry. I have two more loads to do today. For those considering a new front loading high efficiency washing machine, know that the loads take much longer to run through and you cannot load them as tightly, so they may not be the best choice for people with volumes of laundry they want to do in a condensed period of time, and you have to spend more money on detergent.

I do not feel like I accomplished much yesterday, but I could not not have done much more. Were they the right things? That is my struggle. Time to quit thinking and start doing.

Princesses

Anastasia and Amelia love to watch Enchanted. They call it "Ah-Ah" because of the little song she sings to bring the animal helpers. It inspires them to be beautiful.

They are absolute princesses--not Divas. They love to wear dresses and spin. At the same time, they love to go with me to the gym and mimic the exercises they have observed. Anastasia loves basketball and being pushed on the swings. Amelia likes to be in control of the swing situation and just flies on her belly. They are exceptionally conversational.

Amelia loves hiding. She sits in the corner of our sectional with a billow on top of her and waits quietly for me to pass by. She ran off at half-price books yesterday (in her squeaky shoes, so I knew where she headed) and stood quietly in the corner of the bookshelves waiting for me to find her. Squeal and giggle.

They have also learned by the example of many siblings and parents how to argue, correct one another, and compete with one another. "My mom!" "No, My mom!" Amelia is the reasonable one when I suggest that she let sister have something in exchange for something else or to share.

They love their other siblings. Claire is a safe haven for them. They ask about the kids when they are at school, and they are so excited when Mikey, Lexi, ad Emylie are here as well. Everyone gets a little tired of them because of the things they break, get into, or run off to, but they are so ridiculously loved. I am fortunate to have such great helpers.

Since Andrew got a motorcycle for his birthday, Mikey felt he had to have one, but we expected and planned for that. We had Mikey's birthday party this weekend even though it is well over a week before his birthday because we got the bike and we could not keep it from him any longer--and he won't be here on his birthday.

Mikey did fine the first time he got on the bike (even though it is huge compared to Andrew's)--a YZ125 but the mud was very slippery and he tipped and burned his pant leg on the engine. After that he was very spooked and didn't want to get back on. With the threat of having the bike put on Craigslist if he did not get back on, he persevered. Lexi and Claire, th0ugh, were the go-getters with it.

I tried to sit around all day nursing a calf injury. They babies both leaned out the side of the shopping cart while I had my back turned to them. They tipped it over and I caught it with the back of my knee. Then Mike went and caught the back of his leg on the footpegs (while wearing shorts) of the motorcycle while trying to start it. And now we know clearly, and without question, who has the higher pain tolerance.

Raising a blended family has been a tremendous challenge, but Mike and I have come such a long way with building relationships and how we deal with situations and each other. We still have a lot more that needs to progress, but we will not be running out of room to grow any time soon.

The things we do to keep children happy during church.

This week I dug out some patches of grass to plant roses and bulbs that I was supposed to have planted in the fall, but I could not until this week because that is when I was finally able to get the dirt to condition the soil so the roses would not die like last year. The weather was gorgeous for such things; temperatures in the high 60's to mid 70's, clear and bright. Then Saturday it rained on all my newly planted plants. I was so grateful.

Then when I woke up this morning, we had another inch or two of snow on the ground. Maybe that is really good. My bulbs were supposed to be planted in the fall. Maybe they will think they had a winter to hibernate and bloom nicely because of it. I think it will be nice and sunny again tomorrow, though. Happy first day of spring. Happy El Nino.

February Hilights

The week the Olympics started we had more snowfall in Texas than they did in Vancouver. 12 inches in 36 hours.




Andrew's Pinewood Derby. I missed most of it because all the other kids had activities where I was supposed to be

Sunday Blogging

I think I said a little while back that I would try blogging every Sunday. I did not say when I would start, but today seems to be the day.

I started working out in the gym in the middle of January. I have not hit it very hard. Nonetheless, except for the week the babies had pneumonia, I have gone 2-4 times/week. I recently stepped it up a notch and did 3 sessions with a personal trainer. I feel my biggest accomplishment, however, is that Mike is now fired up about going to the gym. After his second week of working out he is now all concerned about his diet and is really focused on getting healthy. He stopped drinking Dr. Pepper without provocation. His fervor may become a little more than I would prefer, as this progresses, but for now, it has many benefits.

For myself, it gets the babies out of the house for a little while where they are not destroying it. And since I can't seem to do anything else when they are awake, it is as good a use of my time as any. Oh, and I'm getting my sexy back. My hips and thighs were expanding at a 40 year old rate. I just couldn't handle it any more. Now I am able to wear some of the pants I had put away for the sake of discomfort and public consideration. Those are still the pants I grew into with pregnancy, so I have a way to go still, but it is coming along.

I am no better of a mother than I was, though. Well maybe I have a little more energy now to make things happen around here, but doing more does not help if you are not doing the right things, right?

I was called to be the Relief Society Secretary. This is my first time in a Church auxiliary leadership position since Primary Presidency when we lived in NY before Claire was born. I have had lots of callings I have enjoyed since then, but I still have not been trusted to a leadership position for years. As the secretary, I technically still don't have one, but I at least get to be where the action is. This is actually the worst calling I have had as far as fitting my aptitudes. Paperwork and organization are precisely my weaknesses. But I am willing to grow and improve.

Time to get the kids to bed.

Public School

All I can say is wow. Wow.

Andrew was kicked out to school last Monday because he did not have his most recent booster shot for hepatitis. It had been less than 2 months since his last shot, which is how long you are supposed to wait between boosters. He had not had any shots previous to this year because I had submitted a conscientious objection as required by law. This year I decided it would be easier to just get the shots.

I was wrong.

I have had to take him out of school four times this year to keep up with the series. He has more antibodies in his system than any other kid in the school, due to the concentration of shots he has had in less than six months. Despite the fact that he poses no immediate or future risk to the other students, he was excluded from all school activity for the sake of adherence to regulation.

It is my conviction that a system which makes policy a priority over people and purpose is doomed to fail. Forney School District has shown me, without apology or equivocation that their hard-line interpretation of Texas law is more important than my child's educational and social well being. Here is what I wrote to his teachers this afternoon:

I just wanted to share my intense frustration with the school district's implementation of policy, that I know you have nothing to do with. As you may know, Andrew was excluded from school for 3 days last week because of his shot record status. I talked to both the head of nurses and the superintendent about options which would allow Andrew to continue to go to school, while I got everything in order related to his records. They gave me a 3 day extension, which was not in any way enough. Nonetheless I made every good faith effort to correct the situation and had it taken care of by Friday. And though Andrew came to school today, having all of his shots updated, he was still not able to attend class because he did not have the documentation with him.

I was not told that he was not being allowed into class, because the office staff was too busy to talk to me, they just had Andrew call me. I told him I would be there in about an hour, as I had to feed and dress myself and babies. But I got caught up in my morning routine and forgot about the shot record until Andrew called me at 10:30. I did not realize that he was not being allowed to go to class until I met him in the office and asked if he had been waiting there the whole time. When he said yes, I was so outraged that I did not even give him a kiss and a have-a-good day. All I could say was wow. Wow. I put the paperwork on the desk and suggested to the office staff that I deserved a little bit of good faith for all my efforts and walked out the door.

Did they think that I would tell my son to lie about having gotten his shots? Did they think that the State of Texas was going to do a records check this morning and they would be busted for not maintaining files properly? Why has adherence to policy been consistently more important than my child's education? If the school district does not prioritize his education, why should I?

Because I am the parent, and I do care. That's why I have taken the time to talk to those who have the right and authority to make exceptions--as exceptions, not trying to change policy--but they pretended to be bound by unbending constraints. All the while trying to make me as a parent feel guilty for not "caring about my child's education enough" to make sure that all these technical details were taken care of. I was hurt by the disdain showed to me despite my efforts all year long to get Andrew's shots. This was the fifth time this year that I have had to take him out of school to continue the series, as you might recall. And because I care, I let go of my pride and got Andrew vaccinated again instead of the other option of submitting a conscientious objection which would have meant two more weeks of Andrew missing school. I was not going to use him or harm him to make a point like the parents of ponytail boy did. [Recent local news story of parents who refused to cut their pre-k aged son's hair according to dress code so they put it in a ponytail, making him look like a girl, but that was still not good enough for the school, they wanted it braided and the parents still wouldn't do it.] In spite of all my efforts, Andrew could not get the benefit of the doubt for a few short hours to go to class this morning.

I am in my third year of study working towards a degree in education, but I am seriously reconsidering that decision. I cannot imagine wanting to be part of a system which has such disdain for parents, and whose policies take priority over the intended goal of education for the children they are supposed to serve.

This is the reason you teachers wring your hands trying to get parents involved in their child's education. We as parents understand that we have no say in what happens in the school. Our voices are not heard, nor are we respected for the primary and vital role we have in teaching and directing the children we chose to bring into the world. As a teacher, you get attached to your students and call them your children, but they are only on loan to you with our faith and trust that your purpose is their intellectual welfare. However, the education system is set up to make us as parents respond as subjects of the school system, like peasants to a monarch rather than being democratic participants in a system designed for us and by us. I understand that teachers as well suffer frustration with all the bureaucratic constraints of curriculum and testing. This is a continuation of the root problem that our education system comes from the government and agencies down and not from the families and teachers up.

Forgive me, I am getting a little off subject. I just wanted to let you know what was going on and ask you to please help Andrew make up for the time he has missed outside of the control parents and teachers. I will be asking him about assignments he needs to make up and subjects he needs to study. Thank you for your time and effort despite all the bureaucratic discomfort you wade through on a daily basis.

Janika Skembo

I wish my husbands (ex and present) were supportive of homeschooling. I wish I was dedicated enough put in the time and effort that requires.

Two is Better than One

I tried to do my Disney blog from my iPhone, but it didn't work, and I have a "no make-up" policy. When I do that, it keeps me from capturing the present.

Instead I will talk about my wonderful babies. They are maturing so much. They are finally developing some distinctive traits. Anastasia is very verbal. She has started saying "Whas dat?" all the time. She wants a name for everything. She has entered parrot phase where she tends to just repeat the last couple of words of anything someone says.

We hired one of Mike's friends to professionally paint our stairwell and do some other work and he has a helper. Every time they open the door or come back in during the day, Anastasia says "hello!" Clear as a bell, bright and cheery like they have been gone for a week. Or she will say "Hi worker mans!"

Amelia's most distinctive trait is still her compulsion about music. Anything that has a beat makes her wiggle. She loves to dance and will do turns and leg lifts and a number of other indistinguishable movements that range from hip hop to ballet style. Anastasia wants me to pick her up and do ballroom with her when the music is on.

Anastasia likes to climb up on the piano bench and pat it so that I will sit next to her. Then she crawls on my lap so I will play the accompaniment for twinkle little star while I help her move her fingers to make the melody. Amelia has gotten over that and wants to make her own music.

Amelia still tends to be more willing to give up what she has for her sister, but they both want me to get a drink, snack, candy, or whatever for their sister if I give them one, and each insists on taking it to the other wherever she is.

They are both sick, but Amelia definitely gets it worse than her sister. When they were 2 months old and got RSV, it was Amelia who spent 4 days in the ICU and two in a regular room, where Anastasia had 4 days total in a regular room. They are dripping horrible mucous and nasty cough. Amelia is running a fever. When Amelia gets sick, she gets grumpy and lethargic. Anastasia gets wired and goofy.

Anastasia can open doors and leads the mischief making. Amelia is always trying to climb up my legs and wants to be with me all the time. I am absolutely not liking the terrible of these twos. They get in to stuff and love to make messes. Terrible two times two is four, right? But it is 10x as much trouble.

Still, I love my precious babies so much. I have not taken the time I need to to just play with and enjoy them, though. Time goes so much quicker when you are older. I am about to start rambling on about missed opportunities and failed self-expectation, so I will stop.

I will say, though that I auditioned for the TV show America's Got Talent last weekend. I told Mike I might not do it. I was worried that I would make it and that this is not the right time for that kind of focus. He thought it was ridiculous of me not to try. I did not have to worry about making it. About 1/3-3/4 of the people who audition are singers. It is just overflow from American Idol and people who are too young or too old for it. But the show is not looking to be American Idol. They want variety acts and such. Going in costume is the key. Having a gimmick is crucial. It was a good experience. I will be much better prepared if I decide to do it again.

My 3 year old dryer is dead. I might be able to get a repairman out here for $100, but I hate that stupid machine. It has been falling apart for many months and in not energy efficient at all.

I am going to try to commit to updating my blog every Sunday. It was pretty easy to do today because I did not have to travel with kids. We will see how well I do.

Magic

Connecting with Family

The first stop of our winter vacation was a dinner visit to the Rifley Grandparents in Mobile. I have only been able to see them twice before, and Andrew and Claire have never met their biological paternal grandfather and his mom, their great grandmother.

Matt (my children's father) did not meet his

biological dad (Ron Rifley) until he was almost 18. His mom and dad split when he was two after his dad was stationed in Korea for a year. We had Emylie and Isaac when we passed through Alabama on our way to live in West Point, New York. Grandma Ruth was not there at that time, but we met her and Uncle Bob in Houston when we were living in San Antonio. Claire was there, but certainly too young to remember.

We ate Pizza with Grandpa Ron and he showed the kids his fishing tackle shed and shark teeth, etc. Then we went on our merry way. His house was pretty different from the last time I had seen it because he had a few feet of water in it from Hurricane Katrina. Though I have no personal connection with them, it is very important to me for my children to be aware of and connected to their family.

The next thing we did was meet with Aunt MaryAnne and Riley and Dustin. We ate dinner at Fridays. The next day we went to Kennedy Space Center. Andrew loved it. The younger ones did not get that much out of it. For the money they charged, there was not that much there. I can only make myself feel good about it as a donation to the Space program. Mostly, though, we got to hang out with MaryAnne. I don't know if she got any pictures with the twins. I don't have any. Maybe next time.

She had to go to work the next day, so she left at five.