Unnatural Talent

There is a little understood secret about talent. It is not natural. It is God-given, but He only gives us seed packets. Some get a big fat packet. Some get a variety pack. Some get only a tiny bit of tiny seeds. No one gets the seeds scattered on the ground for them. Only they can open the packet and only they can plant the seed.

See, talent is nothing without work. Anyone who is asked to describe me is likely to mention something about my voice. They ask me about the training they assume I have had. Though I have never taken a formal voice lesson, I have spent hours of days and weeks of months singing and listening to myself; studying and copying great vocalists. I have sifted through the voices I modeled and tried to find my own. Sometimes I have been intensely focused on a specific performance. Other times I have been focused on the hope of being a well-known performer. But many times, I have let that hope fall dormant and I stop practicing. I never stop singing. But when I am not focused on becoming, my voice gets lazy and I lose the sound quality which qualifies all the accolades I have received and have hoped to receive. Talent is not natural. It is work.

When I go back to my passion (what you are passionate about is your talent) I thrill again to reach notes, match expression of the artists I study, and seek, and breathe my own life and meaning into it. The muscles become strong again and my confidence increases. Unleashing my own ability is a thrill which only makes me hungrier to share that ability with others. It just seems like such a waste if I am the only one who knows.

Then there is dance. It makes me feel alive. For years my body has rested from the intense effort and exertion of regular dance. And yet, my muscles thrill with the strain of doing a develope into a rond de jambe. The tension of my unused muscles is joyfully wakened by a deep stretch. Though I have never seen myself becoming a professional dancer, it is a talent that I love to develop, use, and share.

Whenever I hit a lull in my aspirations, I explore the thought that maybe I have been delusional for all these years and I should just be content to be an average person. I try to wrap my head around the idea that it is okay for Janika to focus exclusively on day to day realities. The thought makes me ache. I could let go of the tension of unfulfilled hopes and expectations in an attempt to be satisfied with less than my best, but I would be left with emptiness and purposelessness.

Some people are content with average. Some people find great joy in a common life. There is something exceptional about that which I respect. When anyone lives their life to their fullest, they deserve the highest honor no matter how average it is.

My discontent is because I know I am not living my own life to the fullest. Sometimes I get glimpses of my own greatness. It awes and humbles me as God lets me peek at who I can become. Often it is through the eyes of admiring peers. I would not believe in myself if so many people had not told me all my life how unique or talented I was.

Maybe if I only had one passion I would be able to work it and succeed better than I have. But music and dance are the beginning of my passion. I love words. I love giving meaning and expression to thought. I find great satisfaction in letting people into my mind. I have an intense need to preserve thoughts which I might never recall otherwise. It is the very smallest legacy I can leave. The simplest, and most vital. Who was I and what did I do while I was here? My family at least should be able to discover those things.

I even find great satisfaction in cleaning a house down deep until it sparkles. More so when I create something for my house and put a room together in a new way. However, I find daily maintenance exhausting. My passion for it does not exceed the required effort of it when maintenance takes away from my ability to work in other areas of passion.

My point here is that talent is work that brings joy and satisfaction. It yearns for expression and gives purpose. Whether it is simple or grand, the key to success is that it is a profound part of being that generates a sense of need and brings joy when realized. "When you've got it you've got it" but when you don't use it you loose it. Talent is not natural, it is work. And work is fun.