Andrew

I missed Isaac's Tuesday game because I was in the hospital with Andrew. It was the last game Isaac will be able to play for three weeks because of his grades. His team won, though, I think, 26-6. That is really impressive. Their first string team lost again. Either they kept the teams more even than the other schools or this school has a really deep skill pool so that there just is not a big difference between Team A and Team B.

Yeah, Andrew and the hospital...Not a big deal really. He has been fighting a bronchial infection for a week or two since fall allergies kicked in. After the weekend at his dad's he was wheezing again. He was complaining that he could not breathe. Since we don't have a doctor yet, I took him to a few different urgent care clinics and Dr. offices trying to find one that takes the military insurance. By the time I found one, all the clinics were closed so I went to the nearest ER that takes it.

The doctor was barely able to diagnose him with pneumonia because he had a "little spot in his left lung." He has not had a fever, except for the mildest that day. He went to school the next morning, though.

Today I had a conference with his teacher, Mr. Wu. He has a really high reading level, which I was pleased with, but, like Claire, it does not translate into successful spelling. The teacher was convinced, though that his writing was below what it should be. It would appear that Andrew has a standard case of Boy Lazy. I mean, I have never called him anything but Andrew, and he has chosen to write Andy on all of his papers because it is easier. The teacher says his sentence structure is ultra simple and does not reflect his abilities.

Of course, he needs more practice in Math. Time to go to work.

Stretched balloon

It seems like it has been a long time since I wrote, but looking at everyone else's blogs, I am at a fine pace. Kim is the best at it this week.

Yesterday we watched both sessions of General Conference. Our friends, Scott and Arren (Peachblossom) came over and watched with us. While the boys went to Preisthood meeting, Arren and I watched HGTV and like channels for the entire evening. We enjoyed it. (You have to kick the guys out if you want the remote.)

As nice as it was, I have a better appreciation for standing on my feet for long hours. Sitting all day just about killed me. My upper back hurt like crazy. There was nothing I could do to get comfortable. Then, when I stood up, the skin of my stomach felt like a fully inflated balloon that someone was still trying to put more air into. The baby had not moved much for two days, apparently because it is going through a growth spurt.

I am so short-waisted that I have, literally, two inches from the top of my hip to the bottom of my ribs. That does not leave a lot of interior room for a baby--therefore, my belly is way out. Besides that, it is trying to grow into my ribs. Yesterday I felt like my sternum was being separated to make room for a baby inside my ribcage. The child, according to week-by-week pregnancy sites, is only one pound. I have at least six more pounds to fit in there.

Despite the discomfort, I love being pregnant. There's something in my tummy. It is alive and it came from God. I am helping Him create it. Time for the last session of Conference.

Strong

Baby is getting so strong! I don't have people feel my belly, all they have to do is watch! My belly jumps.

Isaac had another strong game. They tied it up in the third quarter but they let the other team score in the last 9 seconds of the fourth, so they lost 16-22. Both teams had good defense, hence the low scores. Its funny that this is my blog and there is a weekly football feature.

Emylie and Claire and both expressing a strong interest in joining soccer somewhere. If they do, you will probably hear more about soccer from me that from MaryAnne.

It is nothing like Utah, here. Snow could happen in 3 months. We are having a strong indian summer. Fall comes and goes. I watched the game tonight with my face to the sun--again--in the heat. At least there was a steady breeze. Mike made it because Lexi didn't have a game tonight. It was nice to have him to lean on in the bleacher behind me. He's my strong man. Of course, he had to leave back to work after the game was over. I don't know if I will see him again tonight.

I am going to go help Andrew make some macaroni and cheese.

Today I lounged around in bed a little bit with my husband. Nice. Then I made brunch--bacon, eggs, pancakes. Then I was set to have my husband help me in the garage. He complains that he doesn't have a place to park his car, and he has a window that won't roll up the last inch or two, so I figured he would be motivated. I told him we only needed a half an hour and that I couldn't do it without him because of being in my "delicate condition." He whined like a little crybaby. He had his heart set on something else.

See, Tuesday this week, in case you hadn't heard, was the release of Halo 3. Mike bought it on Thursday at the Microsoft company store for half what everybody else paid because he has a friend who works there. He has had few hours to play because of his work schedule. Rather than getting up to help me, he handed me a second game controller. He taught me the night before how to play, but rather than shooting at him this afternoon, we shot at other things together. I saved his back, he saved mine. It was tender.

All the kids are with us this weekend. (They were watching TV while we were lounging this morning, and they were playing outside while we were killing things.) We took them to the Aquatic Center and let them play at the indoor pool. Then we went to the adjacent park for just a few minutes after that.

There in the park was one of the most elaborate birthday parties for young ones I have ever seen. A mother was dressed as Tinker Bell, and all the girls had fairy wings and skirts, while all of the boys had pirate hats and patches. They were organized on a painted tarp, which they left for a scavenger hunt. They all came back in an orderly fashion and ate pizza to be followed by cake. One of the things they ended up with from the treasure hunt was a "rock" (baked salt dough) filled with a jewel/ treasure. It was nearly inspiring.

Mike had to go into work this evening--again. I at least had a little chance to talk with him about our holiday travel plans. I was looking up hotels and ticket prices last night for our trip to Disney world. When I started planning the trip last year, I had intended to stay at the Disney accomodations. However, we have a friend with a time-share condo in FL, who can't use her week this year, and she offered to let us have the week, so I got my brain around that idea and was told that, as I expected, there were no availabilties for the holidays. That got me looking into other options, though, and the prospects are good--even without doing the priceline, name your price. I am really getting excited about the trip. If I keep saving at the rate I have been we will be able to go without any problem--except for the issue of being 9 months pregnant.

I am typing with my tired, chlorinated eyes closed. I wanted to look into some other planning stuff, but it will have to wait. Goodnight

First Win

Last night was Isaac's third game. The first one was a huge loss. The second one they lost by half as much. This game they won 6-22. I was glad to be there for it. I hate that I have to pay $9 for myself and the kids to get into it, but at least the school covers the full cost of uniforms, etc. I think Mike bought him some cleats and a cup, but that is the only expense besides paying the boosters for the game.

Mike would have been at the game, but he went to Lexi's game an hour away. She is cheerleading. She only has four games that she is cheering for, and this is the second one. I don't know whether or not they won, but I know Lexi did a good job.

I had to rush out of Isaac's game to get to Relief Society. I have not been very good at going to that lately, but I am trying more, and I am glad I did. The kids went to the church with me and played in the gym. One of the ladies complemented me on their unsupervised behavior. She saw them in the hall because she had to take out her crying baby.

Now it is time to make dinner before I have to take Isaac to scouts. Tuesdays and Wednesdays are my taxi days.

Two Weeks of Five Days

I am on my second week of five days of work in a row. I had gotten used to having a day or two off in the middle of the week. I really appreciate having time when the kids are not here to get things done. When I work all week that leaves me with no time when the kids are not here. Right now all I have time for is griping at the kids about doing homework and chores.

I guess I have just spent too many years as an at home mom. What I am doing now, though is only so we can go on our family vacation. Once that is over I will go back to being an at home mom. My income won't be missed because it is all going into savings right now. I will miss my discount, but I am saving up 20% off coupons to make up for it. In case you didn't know, we are trained to pay no attention to expiration dates on Bed Bath and Beyond coupons.

There is still a baby growing inside of me. I love that it is there, but I don't pay much attention to the reality of it. I did a baby journal for all of the others--some more than others. Maybe I have not had the reality dose of hearing the heartbeat and seeing the ultrasound to help me get into being pregnant.

Because the baby was so active lately, and I feel like my belly has gotten so huge lately, I was wondering if it might be twins. Mike's mom said it runs in her family every generation, except for hers. However, I was talking to Marianne at church who, herself is a twin, has had her ultrasound because of her own concerns. She is a couple of weeks different from me, and she is about the same size as me. Her ultrasound shows up single. I like the idea of having a double batch for the last one, but raising an only child will be an interesting experience.

Better go make the kids get their work done.

The Invisible Woman

Got this email today, and I thought of myself and a few other people who stop in here now and then.

It started to happen gradually. One day I was walking my son Jake to school. I was holding his hand and we were about to cross the street when the crossing guard said to him, "Who is that with you, young fella?" "Nobody," he shrugged. Nobody? The crossing guard and I laughed. My son is only 5, but as we crossed the street I thought,"Oh my goodness, nobody?"

Just the other night my husband and I were out at a party. We'd been there for about three hours and I was ready to leave. I noticed he was talking to a friend from work. So I walked over, and when there was a break in the conversation, I whispered, "I'm ready to go when you are." He just kept right on talking.

Then I realized, I'm invisible. It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?" Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

I'm invisible.

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England . Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was >hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this."
It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work.
No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.

The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you
spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it." And the workman replied, "Because God sees." [I thought of the pioneer artisans of the 40- year building of the Salt Lake Temple.]

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.
I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there."

As mothers, we are building great [temples]. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

I broke the 120 lb. mark today! My belly is getting noticeable enough that people are not afraid to ask about my pregnancy. Baby was moving all over the place last night.

I have not had nearly enough sleep lately. I can tell because the solution to everything is: rage about it. Yelling and screaming helps. Especially when there is someone to yell at. I have never been one to take it out on my husband, but my kids--and especially drivers of other cars--get the full blast. Really, I don't like it.

I called T-Mobile about my outrageous phone bill, and rather than yell at the lady, I started the conversation with "I'm in a really bad mood, so don't take it personally." She laughed and it ended up being a really enjoyable conversation. I have gotten a little irritable at my store manager when he has been in a bad mood, but I would never show that face to a customer. It is tragic that my children are the ones who are the outlet for my frustration. But to be honest, they are the source of much of it. However, so is my husband, but I don't go off on him. Why is that?

Oh, and I don't care what you think. I don't even like you any more. This blog is for me, not for anyone else. If you cared, you would make a freaking comment now and then. No, no, don't start now. You have had four posts to make a comment. 0 is the amount of concern I have for your input or opinion. Don't worry, I'm not going to stop commenting on your blog just because you can't take the time for mine. The piddly details of your life are no more interesting than mine. It is all stupid, mundane stuff we talk about, but this is MY life. If it doesn't matter to anyone else, it doesn't have to. It matters to me! Like I said, I'm not doing this for you. It is a record of my life, for my sake because I matter--to ME.

Today should be my day off, but the other girl had her baby last weekend, so I am getting more hours. For the first time I consented to work on a Saturday last weekend . I am working this morning, and I am late to get ready.

Third Blog This Morning

So, apart from Isaac's first football game, which we all went to and watched as a family (Matt even came, as he was in town working that day) and my new dryer, I have a baby in my tummy.

It has been resting for a few days through its growth spurt, but this morning there is a lot of activity. I finally started wearing the maternity clothes that Devanie gave me, but all of the pants are capri length, so I can't wear them to work without looking like a dork in my tennis shoes. IMO, only sandals or dress shoes should be worn with capris--stillettos are questionable depending on how tight the capris are and what message you want to convey.

So, I broke down and bought myself one pair of full-price maternity pants that fit me. I will wear them every day that I work for as long as I work as a pregnant woman. I absolutely love getting a good deal. I hate that there is no such thing as maternity clearance. Maternity clothes are function-driven, not fashion-driven, so there is no selection and no merchandizer motivation to move them out at discount prices. So I have to pay full price for clothes that I can only wear for six months.

I had bought two pair of size 6 jeans a few months ago for under $10 (total) for that in-between phase where maternity just didn't work, but neither did my old pants. The good news is, now that I am in maternity, I can buy at my original size and have all the other proportions where they belong.

Claire stayed home from school yesterday, because she had a bellyache. I usually don't go for that, but I just let her stay. Mike was happy to have an excuse to "work from home." He went in to work as soon as I got home, though, and still put in a full six hours.

It was Wednesday, so I took Isaac to scouts, and for the first time took the girls to Achievement days in this ward since they are with me for the week. They had a great time. I wish I could have Lexi in YW and Mikey in scouts too. Emylie will be in YW in Nov. Maybe we can get her Faith in God completed before then.

I think my washing machine has stopped. Time to go make use of my wonderful dryer.

Old News You Didn't Know

Remember my washer and dryer saga? Mike made the washing machine functional, which was great. I still can't do a full-size load of jeans without a failed spin cycle, but it works well--except for the mysterious leak I discovered when we cleared everything out of the laundry room.

Why did we clear out the laundry room? The 20-year old dryer our home teacher gave us was functional, but it snagged the clothes between the drum and base occasionally and left brown streaks. That was the problem I had with the previous dryer, except that they were much larger black streaks until it swallowed a sock and would not turn anymore. Well, the home-teacher dryer just stopped heating alltogether.

So, two weeks ago, rather than beat a dead horse, we went to the Sears Outlet and found a good deal on a scratch and ding dryer. It is a Kenmore Elite Oasis. The cheapest, bare bones dryer we could buy was $325. It was a no-name, moderate capacity, two-button, tiny opening dryer that had no appeal other than price. For $70 more, we got electronic programming and customizable functions with a mega capacity and huge front-load opening. As it is nearly an $800 dryer, we got it for 50% off. That's the way I roll.

Fall and Football

Did I tell you Isaac signed up for football this year. In 7th and 8th grades if you take athletics, they are able to participate in intramural competitive sports. Isaac got the class this year--which Mike really wanted him to take last year. Because of Mike's encouragement, he has shifted his opinion of the sport and is now developing those skills.

Because of the size of the classes, and the policy of no one getting cut, they have two teams, the A team and the B team. Isaac is a receiver on the B Team. They had their first game on Tuesday. He got a little game time and was able to hold his own. They lost 30-0. Isaac was consoled by the fact that the A Team, which played after his game lost 60-0. I guess our team has a lot of work to do.

Tuesday the weather was perfect for a first football game. The morning started out nearly cold (in relative terms. It actually felt like fall. The rest of the day was very moderate and there was a cool breeze during the game that almost made up for the glaring sun as the bleachers we were on faced directly west. Today is supposed to be back to the 90's, though, so fall is just teasing us.

P.S.

Hey all, Mike has updated his blog again, but it is not merely an update. He is writing a novel and posting it for your pleasure. He will be far more motivated to continue with it if he knows you are anticipating the next installment by posting your comments on what he has written thus far. Click on My Husband Mike on the right.

I Hate School

The kids are enjoying their new school and doing really well. I am happy for them, and I love learning and encourage them to do it. Still, I hate school. Every day there is another note for $5 for this or $10 for that, and we need $15 for another thing. As if my neighbors and landlord don't pay enough taxes to cover that! Just kidding--kind of.

Then there are planners and notes to sign and homework to follow through with and check up on. Then the short time that is left of the evening, after I have taken the time to make a decent dinner, is just enough to exert all my remaining energy to hound the kids about completing their chores. We have time to read scripture and say prayer (usually) and go to bed in order to get the needed full night's sleep. Of course, it wouldn't be any big deal if they would just do their homework, eat their dinner and finish their chores, but they do not.

I have to admit, though, that having the children properly trained to do chores has been a significant relief to me. I do not do dishes--except the weekends when the kids aren't here. It is then I miss them most. It is impossible for one woman to work part time, as I do and maintain a civilized home by herself. But it really is a blessing to have children who are old enough to fully participate in house care and be held responsible for its success (to my standards).

I am most excited with Isaac's progress this year. They gave him Pre-Athletics during 7th period, which qualifies him to participate in whatever competitive sports they are focusing on for the season. Isaac opted to sign up for an additional hour of "P.E." in the form of football practice. Because he is still small (though he has grown so much these past months that his Sunday clothes look funny on him) he is a receiver. There is a fascinating growth in his maturity since school started. His voice is cracking as well.

Since I am falling asleep, I leave you here.

Growing Pains

I did not realize how much space the baby is taking up until today when at work, I got a jab in my ribs. It was a hurt I am very familiar with. The baby was just stretching into new territory. I had to push down on it to make it get out of there. I am sure it will happen many more times, but this was a first. I just hadn't realized it had already grown that much. My belly is sticking out a little, but my U is well past my belly button and up to my ribs. Granted, with as short waisted as I am, it is not hard to reach that height. I am solidly 118 lbs now. In my daily fluctuations I have not gotten over 119.5. My body fat ranges from 19-23%, depending on how hydrated I am.

Time to make dinner

Raging H

I am grumpy. Grumpy, Grumpy, GRUMPY.

And it feels good! Nobody likes being around me, but MAYBE I DON'T WANT TO BE AROUND THEM! (Pause for maniacal laughter followed by a leak of hysterical tears.)

Don't be concerned. It will not harm you.
It's only me pursuing something I'm not sure of...
I chase the bright, illusive butterfly of love.

(More disturbed laughter knowing that so few people will get that joke. It is private--for me.)

My bloodstream is an intricate roller coaster of hormones. I wouldn't be surprised if it was a girl. I remember feeling this out of control when I was pregnant with Claire. I wouldn't be surprised either if it was a boy because that is the only other choice. Isn't it?

I have a wonderful baby growing inside of me. It moves a lot and its movements are getting stronger, though no one wants to keep their hand on my belly long enough to feel it. I am so happy to be pregnant. It is such an amazing, wonderful thing. At 18 weeks people are starting to notice that I am pregnant, but not everyone. We had a ward pool party last night. One of our friends commented on how "perfect" my figure was and was surprised to find out I was pregnant. There was one or two others who had a similar reaction. Me, I feel huge. I think people don't notice my stomach because my bazonkas are getting proportionally huge to my belly growth, so the attention is still higher up. I must say, my new haircut does accentuate my magnificent, slender neck and shoulder line, further drawing attention away from my hips and belly. I look forward to being out of this in-between phase, though, and looking unmistakably pregnant.

Bronco Bash

Last night we went to the middle school Bronco Bash. Mike was not able to go because he had preisthood meeting, but he couldn't go to that because someone was moving in the ward and needed help. He was torn about which to go to. I said something about Brigham Young and "go get the wagons or your religion is vain." But he got a box each of Dots, Mike N Ikes, and Hot Tamales, which the men who went to preisthood did not get.

So I chased four kids around an absolute madhouse. But they enjoyed the bouncies and the velcro wall/suit and watching the dunking booth. There was a band in the cafetorium, but not too many of the kids were into that because it was a bunch of old fat guys.

Hello School

The kids are all in school. It has been a year since I woke them all up with my soft voice and kisses to get them off to school. They are used to being at their dad's so they did everything themselves, including get breakfast. We tried to come up with something for lunches, but I really need to do some shopping. It is so nice to have them with me and feel like a full-fledged mom again.

I took Andrew and Claire in to their new school, found out who their teachers were, and showed them their rooms before most anyone else was there because we were not able to go to Meet the teacher night. Andrew has a male teacher, Mr. Wu. I did not get to meet him because he was not there yet. When I told Andrew that his teacher's name was MISTER Wu, he smiled. Like he was excited to be taught by one of his own kind. That should be good for him. Claire's room is just upstairs from his.

Isaac was all set for class. I don't know what his schedule is, but I know he got computer lab for his first class. I am really pleased with that. Emylie, on the other hand, had not been fully registered because the office staff was in meetings all Thursday and Friday. She missed her whole first period class while the tried to get her schedule worked out. She was not able to get PE, but she does have Pre-AP math and English, regular science and social studies, and most importantly, Art. She did not really want a music class, but she ended up getting choir. She was actually excited about that, though because her friend, Megan from church has choir too. I hope they make Emylie an alto. She will do really well with that.

She went to school with no intention of concealing her bald spots, which are quite pronounced. She said she didn't want to hide it, so she wouldn't have to deal with a bunch of questions later. She would rather get it all out of the way right now. She's gutsy.

Oh, when I picked the kids up on Saturday morning and they all saw my hair, the first thing Andrew said is: "She looks sort of like a goth girl." I said: " know, that's why I painted my toes so dark." Crazy kid.

Goodbye Summer

Now that the temperatures are up to Texas normal, summer vacation is nearly over. It has been a long, wonderful summer. Because of a Texas legislation changing the time when school could start, we had two extra weeks of summer. This will go on record as the longest summer vacation my children will have--until that inevitable one puts off going to college in the fall for whatever reason.

I got the kids registered in their new schools yesterday, though there are many details to wrap up. Claire and Andre will be going to the same elementary school. Emylie and Isaac will be going to the same middle school. Claire said she is kind of excited to go back to school, and she doesn't even care that it's a new school. Emylie, on the other hand is having horrible separation anxiety from her friends. The funny part is, she is the only one who already has a really good friend in the ward who will be going to school with her. Her issue is not really finding new friends, it's leaving the old ones, and she is worried about being disloyal to her friends by liking the new ones better. She is stressing herself out and her bald spots are much worse now. We are worried about her.

Speaking of hair, seeing as I am pregnant, and I knew I would be cutting my hair, and had decided how I would do it, I decided not to wait until the late trimester to shock everyone with my new look. I did it myself, of course. I would put up a picture, but I don't have time before I go to work.

Let's Go to the Mall

In honor of the Texas tax holiday, I spent my entire kids' school budget for school clothes and supplies (plus a little more) over the weekend. I had a really great time, I got good deals and lots of stuff for the kids. They should be set for a while.

Mikey and Lexi were here over the weekend. Lexi and I went early to the stores before the crowds picked through the clearance racks. Mike and Mikey met us for lunch. Lexi and I had a great time trying on clothes and looking for deals.

After we were done with our shopping, we went to the Aquatics center and swam for a couple of hours before it closed. It was a long full day. Friday was pretty packed for me as well. I woke up at 5:30, got to the stores by 7 and in two hours had the majority of their school supplies and wardrobe before I had to be to work at 9. Then I drove an hour+ in traffic to pick up M and L. On the way back we stopped at the Galleria mall. I had never been there. It is definitely a more upscale mall. Still we were able to find 3 dresses for $30 at Limited Too. This is really an awesome city to shop in.

In keeping with the theme, I wanted to share a video. It is from How I Met Your Mother, which Mike and I have grown quite fond of. Robin Sparkles is a Canadian teen pop star from decades gone by. One of the cast manages to dig it up. Do a google search for How I Met Your Mother slap bet to watch the full episode. In the meantime, enjoy this video of Let's Go To the Mall with Robin Sparkles

Numbers

104 is the number I am thinking of. It goes with 76% I am talking about temperature and humidity. Texas can be a miserable place. I am not looking forward to my electric bill, I'll tell you that. Until last week it has actually been a very mild summer. We had not had a day over 100 degrees all summer, and we have had a fair bit of rain. It is supposed to rain today and temperatures are supposed to cool off.

The next number I am thinking of is 2.54. That is how much I paid per gallon to fill up my tank yesterday. Race Trac is cheap gas, but Exxon is only 2 cents more. In other parts of town the average is closer to $2.65. So there are some advantages to living in Texas.

The final number I am thinking of is 16. That is how many weeks pregnant I am. If I were to go to the doctor and get an ultrasound, the sex of the baby could be determined. My belly has exploded, but certainly not enough that I am obviously pregnant to the general public. Yesterday I weiged in at 115, but this morning I am 117.5, which suprises me. I doubt that more than 116 of that is solid gain.

I went swimming with my husband and our friends Scott and Arren for two nights this week. That little bit of physical activity has really helped boost my energy levels. I am working up to actually being able to exercise.

Couple Time

I was excited about having a whole week without the kids and told my husband that we were going to do something and go somewhere every night, because these last weeks before school starts will be the last that we have since the kids will be with us during the school year.

Instead, Mike got called into work most nights because the network or yada yada was down. He was up until midnight for three nights in a row. The good news is, he is paid hourly, not salary. He is also able to initiate whatever needs to be done at the office and then monitor it from home.

One of those nights we went to a movie before he had to go in. It was a pre-release screening that we got tickets to because Mike's friend works at a local radio station. The movie was horrible, with no redeeming value. There were a lot of bar and party sceenes. About 1/3 of the way through, a guy sat right next to me--when there were 3 other seats before the aisle--who smelled very strongly of alchohol and cigar. I thought the movie was suddenly in smell-o-vision. I felt like I was there and it gave me a major headache. The guy kept leaning into my space and trying to engage conversationally. I was virtually sitting on Mike's lap and breathing his shoulder to avoid the creep. I leaned over and said something about it to Mike and his friend when the movie was over. Mike's friend said, "be nice, he's my business partner." Ugh! I left in a bad mood. It was a super bad movie with a terrible environment The rest of the nights I was alone.

I was excited about having all day Saturday with my husband, but while I was at Target shopping for a swimsuit (since I had gotten a $50 Target gift card from my electric company for enrolling in one of their special programs) Mike got a call from the same abovementioned friend who reminded him that the Rush concert was that night and if he could help the radio station work their booth from 4:30 to concert time he could swing a worker's pass for him to get into the concert. One ticket was all they had to offer.

I did not have the heart to keep him from seeing one of his favorite bands, so I was alone for the night, yet again. I could not even call anyone while I was by myself because my purse was stolen on Friday and I had no cell phone, and my newly installed home phone had been left off the charger the day before. Mike gets emails on his phone, so I was able to write him on the computer and do a sort of impromptu IM. By intermission the phone had enough juice for him to call and talk to me for a minute. He was sweet.

We have no kids again this week. Maybe it will be better this time.

Eeet's Aliiive!

There's something in my tummy. It is starting to move--not enough that anyone else can feel it, and not enough to be easily distinguished from intestinal gas--but it is my baby and it is alive.

Today is my day off, and I just got done coloring my hair. I got it just right this time. It is the same color as my nieces'. I left the light streaks at my temples out of the color for a really natural highlighted look. I often trim it just after coloring it, but I don't think I will this time. I am just letting it grow until I get my late-pregnancy whack. I haven't done a major chop since my divorce three years ago.

I am not liking my job at all now. I got to use a little creativity and help customers in a meaningful way when I was out on the floor. Being stuck behind the register all day really, really stinks. The customers are fine. The people I work with are fine. Doing the same thing over and over is for monkeys. But I am not even that good at it. If I was interested by working with money and computing machines, I could work at a bank--and probably get paid a little better.

I am not one to complain, but most of all, I am not one to spend a lot of time on things that don't interest or challenge me. I think I could probably make better use of my time by employing myself with the skills I have been trained in for years, like music and dance. We'll see.

I Feel Fat

Saturday I took Emylie and Lexi to the mall because this week is Lexi's birthday--and school will be starting soon. We had a good time, but it is a huge mall and I was worn out half-way through. I could feel my ligaments stretching under its new weight and I felt so fat. This morning I broke the 114 lb barrier, and I did not even eat a major meal the night before to account for the weight.

In fact I did not have nearly enough to eat yesterday. We got back from the mall at 2:00 and ate lunch. Mike had been working with a friend all day on replacing the timing belt in his BMW (yeah, Dove, he's a beemer guy : ) ). They were in the reconstruction stage and their big fat hands were not working to get a little piece screwed back on to the flywheel since the fan blade was in the way, so they requested my petite dexterity. My hands got good and black.

Then I took the kids to the Aquatic center, which is a really cool community pool. It has a couple of waterslides and a big waterworks wading pool. It is a full rec center as well. We went ahead and got a membership like we have wanted to do for over a year now. It has a weight room, etc. as well. The kids had a great time. It was all in the name of Lexi's birthday.

Then, she wanted Mexican, so I made chicken enchiladas, fixins for soft and hard tacos, as well as taco salad. I had the kids help with that a little bit. I also needed to make a cake. Our friends Scott and Arren came over because it just isn't a party without them. Megan, the other girl in the girls' primary class came as well. She had been at the pool too.

It made for a really long day. Mike sweat it out in the garage all day, but got the project all done with no glitches. He was wiped out. I was no better.

This morning as I was getting ready for church--the 8:30 meeting--I was still ridiculously fatigued. Raising my arms to put on my makeup felt like I was doing a total muscle failure workout--to say nothing of curling my hair. Then it occurred to me that my thyroid might be whacking out--probably not, I have not noticed any hair loss. I just did too much yesterday and I am still recovering.

Sorry, no pictures. I don't even think about that anymore. Sad.

Back to Work

I have had two days back at Bed Bath and Beyond. I am no longer the towel lady because I trained my replacement well. Instead I work all day long at the customer service desk. The days are longer when you are in one place. Even if it is pretty busy.

My old pants (required uniform) barely fit, and I only have one decent belt that I can wear over my little poochy. Poor smooshed baby. The hardest part about the whole thing is that they do not give me a lunch during my 9-3 six-hour shift, and because I have to man the front the whole time, breaks are not scheduled. A second person often comes in in the afternoon, so that I can at least go to the bathroom and eat a banana or breakfast bar.

I told them I would be there through Christmas, but I don't know how I will do. Tuesday was better than Monday--in a way, so maybe it will keep getting better.

At fourteen weeks, the baby's movement becomes noticeable. Maybe I have felt something, but I have also had a lot of gas.

I had a dream last night about breast feeding, which I think I have done once before already and it was a girl both times. It is the boy's name I have picked out, though--not that I have even mentioned it to Mike. Of course, it doesn't matter what I have, it is going to upset the balance of the sexes. Either way, the child will be too young to be a playmate with any sibs. The boys are currently the youngest, so that might be better, but with the span that already exists, I don't think it will matter. There will be a nearly 8 year difference with Andrew, 9 with Mikey, 10 with Claire. By the time the baby is Andrew's age, Claire will be graduated from High school. Isaac may get back from his mission about the time the child is baptized.

I have today off, so it is time to go hang out with the kids.

Birthday

MaryAnne is on the east coast and was first to call. Made me smile. Mom followed. A little later Devanie called and that was interrupted by Thomas. I also got an e-card from Dove in my email. This morning I got a message from Molly that she left after 10pm. I must not have heard the phone because I was watching a movie. I felt loved.

Mike, who has been coming home from work between 6 and 7 got off at 4. We had a $50 gift certificate from a friend for an Italian resturant in the fancy part of Dallas. It was a wonderful meal. I don't know if I have ever had service as good as they had there. My absolute favorite part was dessert--Spumoni ice cream. It is a tri-color ice cream pink (red), white, and green (as in the colors of the Italian flag). Cherry with marachino halves, vanilla, and the most amazing pistacio I have ever tasted.

We stopped at the store on the way home and bought me a necklace and earring set. Then I went to blockbuster to pick a movie. I ended up with Dream Girls. It was a good movie, but it was too long. Mike got really irritated with it because of the drawn out musical numbers. He is also not a fan of Black wailing (not to be confused with black whaling).

Being 35 means as little to me as being 25. The years go by, each one much the same as the other. We'll see, though how different having a baby is at 35 than it is at 25. Speakin' a which, I finally have firm little pooch that can't be sucked in. I get some occasional ligament discomfort between my hips and belly and I have to be even more careful when I sneeze--not just so I don't pee my pants, but the strain on my c-section scar is creating additional discomfort if I don't lean forward before I sneeze. It is all very minor, but being pregnant is becoming a noticable reality--even though according to growth stats, the baby is only about 3 inches long "the size of a large jumbo shrimp." I am 13 weeks along, which means I have only one more week of my first trimester. I used an online calculator and it says January 29th--the way I run, it will be on or after Amber's birthday. I majorly miscalculated, though, because I was thinking it would be at the end of February or beginning of March. I think that is because I counted from estimated conception, rather than first of last.

O! Pioneers

Today is July 25th. Yesterday was Pioneer day. Kim is talking about sewing pioneer clothes for treks, Devanie is talking about Pioneer costumes and I have not managed to tell anybody that last week I made 8 pioneer bonnets and four aprons. I have 5 more bonnets cut out to sew, but I ran out of the elastic I need for the back. Mike's parents own a store in Far West Missouri and they can't keep those bonnets on the shelf. They are super-sellers. They even jacked up the prices to slow things down, but she has been out of them for a month and the people who say they are going to sew them don't seem to. Sew I took it upon myself. They will be getting their first shipment from me tomorrow.

Mike's dad called me this morning to ask what I wanted to sell them for. I said that was up to them. I just used fabric that I bought at Wal-Mart for $1 a yard that I have had sitting around forever, so my expenses are absolutely minimal. When they sell, they will give me half. Anybody else up for sewing bonnets and aprons?

Of course, now that my daughters have seen that I can make them, they want one for themselves. Andrew enjoyed trying them on for me so I could check their size and shape on the child's size head they were being made for. He looked so cute in his bonnet and apron. I thought of Thomas.

Book Mania

You other bloggers and your Harry Potter this, Harry Potter that, blah, blah blah! : ) I love the books, but I haven't gotten around to reading The Half-Blood Prince, let alone Deathly Hallows. I bought half-blood when it came out in hardbound for the kids, but have not made reading a priority these past years.

Emylie went with a friend to the Barnes & Noble release party and was there until after midnight. She had a great time, and I am happy for her. She did not get the book because she is hung up on the Warrior series right now. Devanie gave her a gift certificate that she was able to buy the rest of the series she didn't have. Then she bought me the most recent in a series I have been reading since I was pregnant with Isaac. The 11th book in Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time has been out in paperback for over a year, and I never got around to reading it. Mike has read the rest of the series as well, so rather than fight over who gets to read it first--or when, I have been reading it to him. That is how we spend all of our time together lately. We will finnish the last three chapters tonight. I have really enjoyed the experience--837 pages of mouth-numbing, throat-parching fun. We stay up too late reading "just one more chapter." To me, it is better than watching a movie together.

I don't know if he has read the Half-Blood Prince yet, but if not, we may do that next. Forget books on cd, we do live books!

Something more solid

We finally have a more definite view of our future. Mike has a job. I would put exclamations and stuff like that, but I still have reservations about the reality of it until he gets his first paycheck. He has successfully completed one week of work. It is a six-month contract position with the potential of becoming a full position with the company. I do not even know the name of the company or what they do. I know he is to be paid $29 an hour doing some sort of Network administrator-type thing. They issued him a laptop, and though he can access the server and do some work from home, most of his work is on-site.

On-site includes a few different locations, all of which are within 15 minutes of our house--in the same place he was working before, which is why we moved to this side of town in the first place. Therefore, we will not moving out of this area. Therefore, the kids will start school in here on August 27th. We would like to get a 3 bdrm house where the rooms actually fit the childrens' beds AND allow the closets to open. We might even get rooms big enough to walk between the beds, but I don't know. I would wonder if it would be worth the hassle of moving, but we are already halfway packed. Either way, we are staying in this area.

I went to Bed Bath and Beyond today and got my old job back. Rather than folding towels, though, I will be working at the customer service desk. Mike's job will more than cover our expenses, but I want to have a special savings account, and that is all my paycheck will be for--except maybe purchasing a few more household items at employee discount.

Back

It was so nice to see everyone last week. I have to admit I was in a really grumpy place. I think I didn't have enough to eat on a pregnant stomach--especially on Lagoon day. It made me nasty.

Big thanks to Devanie for everything. Thanks to Lee Joe and Kim as well as MaryAnne and, of course, mom and dad, without all of whom, I would not have been able to be part of it all. The kids had a wonderful time. It had been five years since they had seen Molly's kids. Memories with cousins are so important.

After everyone left, we met some of Mike's family on Monday at Temple Square. The kids actually enjoyed that a lot. Claire would have talked to one of the sister missionaries for an hour if I had let her. She told me she was shy about asking her a question, and I told her that the missionary would love to answer any questions she had. I wouldn't be suprised if Claire ended up serving a mission. When we got home, I notice there was an article in the July Ensign about the Temple Square sister missionaries and had her read it.

Tuesday, though, was my favorite day of the trip because I got to go to the temple with my husband for the first time. Now that he is endowed, we can move forward so that our marriage will be sealed for eternity. I really wanted to do it where family would be able to participate, but we may end up doing it in Dallas, where we can at least have friends there. We would like the baby to be born in the covenant, so doing it before February is the goal, but also doing it before I am especially bulky is a nice thought. It will take at least six weeks to clear my previous sealing.

Mike and I went to the temple together this morning--on his initiative. It is really a wonderful feeling to share that with him. I have a feeling he will want to go back again and again. He is out right now putting in job applications for basic retail jobs so we have something between now and whenever he gets a more ideal job. It will probably end up that as soon as he gets an 8.50/hr job and works a day or two, he will have to give it up for one of the jobs he has been waiting for. Of course, he is currently applying at Golf stores and may be reluctant to leave before even qualifying for employee discounts.

We talked today, though about maintaining focus with his business project because we feel like that is what we are really supposed to be doing. Sunday after Kim and Lee Joe left, we went to Heber City to see one of Mike's distant cousins, Van and his wife, Heidi, in their lavishly modest home on 5 acres. Van is an investor. We talked to him in some detail about Mike's business project, to which he responded enthusiastically. I guess Mike started a business a few years ago that Van helped him on the capital with, which he sold a short time later for, like, five or six million dollars. (I'm here to help the man keep the money he makes.)

The kids got along great with their five and Emylie came home with some books that she has gotten really excited about. It is the Warrior series, which I know nothing about. Devanie gave her a Barnes and Noble gift card that she was able to use to complete the series. She is excited.

I had written another posting on Devanie's computer, but it probably got deleted before I could post it. It it is still sitting on your desktop, feel free to post it, Dev.

Simple Math

What is the maximum capacity of a midsize van/SUV? 8
How many does a large dining table seat comfortably? 8
What do you get when you add [(1+4)+(1+2)]+1?
More than you can fit in an 8 passenger van.

What do you get when you have 2 lines in a 1st Response test? A big belly.
I haven't told the kids yet. I know they will all be thrilled. Maybe the youngest two boys won't be, but I think they will.

So far, that is the only thing I know about my future. We are still planning on being at the reunion.

Mikey is getting baptized today and G-ma and -pa Skembo are here to be part of it.

I had a garage sale yesterday and came up with $150 more than I had, and a little less bulk to find somewhere to put. It was a great day for a garage sale, but we are in a lousy location. We wanted to start it on Friday night, but it rained for exactly 20 minutes. Just enough to deter us and any potential buyers.


Janika out.

One Year

I have been married for one full year. It is nothing short of a miracle. It has been a bumpy ride. Matt and I never went through anything like this. We always had a steady income--and consistent wastefullness. We rarely disagreed (out loud). We always knew what was coming next. Maybe that is why it didn't last. Our relationship was safe and eventless. Our trials were minimal. Yes there were military separations, but I liked those. It may be that adversity is key to a lasting and successful marriage.

Sunday was Father's day, and our anniversary. Nothing worked out the way we wanted it to all weekend. We got Lexi and Mikey back to their mom in the late afternoon and sat down for some alone time. His home teaching companion called and said that one of the ladies on his route was escaping from her ex-husband who found out where she lived--again--and was beating her up.

We did manage to take some time for each other. I do love being in my honey's arms. We didn't give each other a single, tangible thing. I didn't even make a nice dinner for us. We had leftovers. Mike loved it even better last night than he did the night before. We had some sparkling red grape juice that I had bought last month for a picinic that never happened on account of rain.

Our projected June 15th miracle has results yet to be determined. We had actually set a date last month, but were not as specific about it as we thought we needed to be. But both 15th's produced the same results. I will not discuss them because I have noticed that every time I post something positive or talk about it, it falls through. Suffice to say, we have no job and no money--only hope. But we do have hope--that's something.

Being with my kids

I love having my kids around. I was grumpy at them yesterday and/because I never did anything with them but it is so wonderful to have them around. We did watch a movie last night. All the kids had seen Over the Hedge, but we hadn't. I slept through the middle of it, so I missed what Mike said was the best part. Then we read scriptures together, which we have done every night that the kids have been here. Mike and I are better at remembering when it is not just for us we have to remember.

The day before, I spent a few hours online with the kids. Separate rooms, same world...of Warcraft. Emylie and Claire created a new character on their dad's accout on my realm (shadow council) so that we could play together. I am a gnome mage and level 22. I helped them kill things and complete quests and managed to help them get to level 7. Claire freaked out because I took her to Shimmer Ridge where the trolls are level 9 when she was level 5. I told her all she had to do was stay back and loot corpses. She got the shimmerweed she needed for her quest, but she didn't want to play after that. She did die once, but when I was going through that area for the first time, I was a level 10 and got myself killed about 20 times.

Yes, you are still reading Janika's blog. I have thrown away 3 days, one hour and 18 minutes of my life for a game--and I'm not finnished. One of our visiting managers talked to me at length on my last day of work because she plays too. Everybody was laughing at us all day, because neither of us seem like the type of people who would do that. It is my husband's fault. He made me make a character. I like that I can play with the kids, even though this week was the first time I had, but we have been able to talk about it together for months.

It is too hot in TX to spend much time outside in the summer unless you have easy access to a pool. So we will play World of Warcraft.

I did a little family history work yesterday because dad asked a question about some of the information I had sent him. There was a big mistake somewhere and I had to fix it. I will be going to the temple today for the Stake Relief Society trip and do some family names--maybe they will do some of the ones I have as well. Tomorrow I will probably go again, and a couple of my guy friends from the ward are going to do the inititories on the male names that dad sent for whom Isaac and the youth here did the baptisms.

Summer plans

We are still unclear on a lot of what will be happening for the summer. We are 5 days away from a miracle and are anxious to see the results of it. This much we know:

In the next two weeks, I will be packing up my house and leaving it. Mike will be moving into a local appartment so that he can work at his new job (whatever it may be) and develop his business project. I will take all 6 kids up to Missouri, where we will meet my mom and stay in her new house in Hardin and help fix it up if needed. Of course, it is only 30 min-1hr from Far West where Mike's parents live. we will be there two weeks. I will leave Mikey and Lexi to stay as long as they and Grandmas S want. July 3rd, Mom and I will go to Utah together from there with the other kids. I'm not exactly sure what will happen from there. I want to go to Nevada to visit as well.

When I have done all of that I can, I will go back to MO to let the kids run around wild on 5 and 40 acres until the end of July. Then, Matt had planned to take the kids to Branson this summer, so rather than take them all the way back to TX, I can meet him there.

In the meantime, Mike will be working and finding a place for us to live on the eastern side of Dallas (we are on the west now) so we can be closer to Lexi and Mikey and be able to see them more often, as well as allow them to be involved in weekday church activities. It will also be closer for getting to Matt, and he wants to move to eastern Dallas himself. He will not move for about a year, but we will all be one, big, happy, centrally located family. Won't that be nice?

Isaac is back from scout camp, the other three kids are here, and I had my last day of work on Friday. It feels like home again. But now I have two weeks to pack it up and get out of here.

Mikey is getting baptized on Sunday, June 24th at 7pm. We would have done it Saturday, but Grandpa Skembo could not have made it that day. He is excited. I am glad, too because it probably would not have happened if Mike had gone to Iraq.

The four kids are with Grandma Carruthers still, except for Isaac, who I had to pick up last Saturday so he would be able to go to scout camp. Tragically, he is the only one from the ward who is going, but there are some people from the other ward that he knows. I had Mike take him at 3:30 Monday morning, since I had to work that day, but I should have just done it myself because it ended up that I had to go and sign a form that we had missed. I guess I was really nervous about Isaac's first year of camp--which is really out of character for me--because I kept waking up, and after I got back from sending him off, I had really wierd dreams about him (and about not being able to go back to sleep before I had to go to work, but I woke up and realized it was a dream.)

Mike is on his way to Scout camp now because they wrangled him into being an adult leader for the second half of the week. It is less than two hours away, but he left at rush hour, so we'll see.

This week, so far was pretty nice. Lexi and Mikey stayed the weekend and left this morning (Wednesday). We played board games, played together at the park and watched a few movies. Yesterday was our first really hot day--yes, I'm still in Texas--and the kids really wanted to go swimming, but we had already spent our swimming allotment. They asked me what friends I had with a pool. My good friend, Arren Quigley just got called to be Mikey's primary teacher and he asked me if she had a swimming pool. Since she lives in an appartment complex, I took a shot at it.

Mike was getting home from his job interview about that time so we all spent the evening in the pool. Arren, her husband Scott, his brother James and his two sons had a great time. We got hungry by 9:00 and decided to pool our food resources for a bbq at our house. Then we watched Emma, with Gwennyth Paltro. The kids were asleep early on, Scott complained about the lack of shooting or sword fights--even though the young Obi Wan was in it--Mike enjoyed it but prefered to complain for Scott's sake.

There's more to say, but I don't want to keep MaryAnne from her homework after a long day in a mail truck.

A Date

Random tidbit, the drought in Texas is over. (It never felt like a drought to me.) In the entire month of May there were a total of nine days without rain in the Dallas area. That does not mean there were 9 sunny days.

Therefore, my plans to go on a picinic with my husband on Memorial day (a re-enactment of our first meeting one year ago) were foiled.

I was supposed to go out with my husband last night as well, but he got an email invite from a president of a publishing, marketing, and distribution company he has been working with. He and another friend are putting together a magazine for car enthusiasts. I was really disappointed about cancelling our plans, but I want him to seize every opportunity. He didn't get home until almost 11 and I made him stay awake until 1 so I could talk to him. I have a lot on my mind lately, but I don't often get to express it.

For a month now, I have been trying to explain that we need to set a date for getting positive word on a job and pray about it. He has insisted that the "We pray in our time and the Lord answers in his." He was opposed to setting a demand like that on the Lord. I insisted that that was the entire premise of the church missionary program, and it was doctrinally sound to reqest specific answers at a specific time.

So, finally, last night we set a date and prayed about it. We'd like to ask everyone to do the same on our behalf. We have asked that Mike be gainfully employed in his chosen carreer field--have confirmation of it, at least, by June 15th. Thank you in advance for your prayers.

If our prayer is answered in our time, the kids and I will see you all at the beginning of July.

A Little Honesty

The kids are out of school and off to Austin to visit their grandma on Matt's side. I had a Claire-and-Mommy sleepover with Claire before they left, since she will be having her birthday at Grandma's house. It wasn't as fun for her as I would have liked it to be. We went to Olive Garden (which did not taste at all as good as I remember) and went shopping at Old Navy, the only problem was that a friend of mine came along and Claire and Mommy was not the focus of it all. I was with her all the next morning, but was at a loss for something to do with her. We would have gone swimming, but it was early, and still too cold. She was bored. I hadn't planned anything in particular. I'm just not good at making special times out of everyday moments.

I was so looking forward to this summer travelling with the kids. Those are special memories that will always last. I was able to scrape those trips together when I was single and living off of child support, but I wanted to be able to splurge a little more and let the kids enjoy a little more. I promised them last year that we would go to Disneyland this year. With Mike's Iraq job, we would have had plenty of money to do that. It looked like we would be living high on the hog, now we are back to wallowing with them.

Mike and I got in a fight this afternoon (mild compared to some others) until we both broke down crying because we realized we were both experiencing the same frustration and struggle. I'm so tired of feeling tossed with the waves. I told him, "We're going to be together a long time--because if we can make it through this, we can make it through anything." This has been the most difficult year of my life. There was a one-month blip when I got a divorce that was a magnitude of difficult, but it did not require the patience and endurance of this year. The whole period between divorce and remarriage did not seem to have this degree of uncertainty--or, oddly, this sense of alone-ness. I used to talk on the phone for hours. Nobody calls me anymore. When I call (not that often) the conversation doesn't last and/or I keep it shallow. I called Jodi the other night when I realized I just couldn't handle it anymore by myself. That was such a huge help. I was reminded how important it is for me not to bottle up.

It may sound like I'm really depressed, but I am actually doing better than I was at my last posting. Being grateful was an attempt to push away the worst of my feelings. Now I am far enough away from it that I can talk about it.

It's gonna be okay, 'cause something's gotta give.

Isaac's School Project

Look! New Post!

It is nearing the end of the semester for a certain seventh grader. That means there are a bunch of project and assignments due. Of course, Isaac has avoided telling us about these things, or has puttered around so much that it is like waiting till the last minute. For english, he had to make a five-page comic, which I didn't have to be on him about too much. I can't even remember what the other two projects were. He has been working all sememster on his County Project for Texas history. There were 11 projects. He had done them, but some of them were not so good. His teacher made a deal with him that if he redid all of the projects and tidied it up, he could up his grade on those assignments. I had been trying for weeks to get him to redo a project every night. Monday before they were due, on Tuesday he ended up having to complete three of the projects.

His drama project was due that day as well, but I asked his teacher for an extension because it was a music video, and I had left my video camera at a friend's house. She was shipping it to me and it would not arrive until the due date. So we spent tuesday night making the video. I sent Isaac to bed and ended up staying up until 2:30 editing it. I had never done such a thing. We had to use two different editing programs to put it together because the one that was malfuctioning for final edit was the only one that made it easy to cut clips to paste into the timeline. It was actually really cool.

I have never done homework for a child, but I don't think I robbed Isaac of any learning experience that he will not be able to make up in the near future. It was just drama class anyway.

I was asked a couple of weeks ago to do a skit for Relief Society Enrichment meeting. I was to be Dorothy in the Wizard of Aahs. The skit was something some goofy mormon woman in some distant land had posted on the internet. It was horrid. I was trying to memorize it last night in the last hour before Enrichment meeting, and Isaac informed me that he had to be at the school for his band concert in 20 minutes. I tried to call the RS President and the enrichment counselor to let them know I would be late, but they were already at the church setting up, I guess. I knew that our number was the opening, so I would mess up a lot of things if I was late.

Isaac's concert started at 6:45. I left in the middle of the last number at 7:00 and left Isaac to walk home. Mike was at a friend's working on his computer. I called and asked him to pick Issac up. He got dinner for the boy, and I made it in time to run over the play in the bathroom with the other two sisters who were in it during the opening song and prayer and announcements. We blundered through it and our audience had a good time. I don't know if they understood the message. Fortunately, they had a cooking class that amounted to a meal, because I was starving.

That almost sounded like a Kim, posting, didn't it?

Second Coming

Yes, my husband has returned. The company did not submit his security clearance right, and so he became ineligible for the position. We don't know how long is will take to correct the situation, so we are looking into other jobs that do not require a security clearance. The objective is still Iraq. We feel good about going. Maybe with a month's delay, the timing will be perfect, we will have averted some risky situation, like my dad did during the Vietnam war. He was sent to the less volatile Korea because of the Pueblo incident. He had opted out of officer school and remained enlisted or he would have been in the thick of Vietnam.

Anyway, maybe we will find a position with a better company or salary. It was devastating to have that job fall through, but nearly a week later, I am grateful and hopeful. We have fasted for a solution by the fifteenth of this month. The other company already paid us for one week of his training and are going to pay us for another week. That will get us through the month nicely, but doesn't get us out of the hole that we got into to get the job.

Now I get to brag on my honey. W0rd got out that I didn't have a washing machine. One of the ladies in the ward had one that they had tried unsuccessfully to repair themselves. It is the same model as my old one, but 5 years newer, at least. You guessed it, Mike fixed it. It was completely different from my old one, mechanically, but he said it was easy, and that he could do it again, knowing how, in less than and hour. It is so thrilling to have a man that can get stuff done.

Our home teachers gave us their old dryer. I have now washed alll of the laundry I had gotten behind on. It feels great.

If everything works according to our faith, we will not have to change our summer plans, except, perhaps, to condense them. It will take a miracle, but I believe in those things. I hear about them all the time. Sometimes they even happen to me.

Time to take Isaac to scouts.

PBS and Mormonism

I watched most of the Frontline episodes of the American Experience that explored Mormonism. No publicity is bad publicity. I did not really like the way they treated many of the subjects and cut off the remaining sentences of Dallin Oakes and Elder Packard. Really, four hours is not enough time to treat such a complicated subject as our faith. I, myself could talk about the subject endlessly.

I think what bothered me most is the persistence with which they implied that we do not think for ourselves because of the church's emphasis on obedience. That's not the church I belong to. Obedience is based on the principle of free will. They emphasized that free thinking was suppressed, and intellectualism denied a voice. How is it, then, that I, a hyper-analytical, nothing-inside-the-box person, could feel so at home and be so accepted and appreciated when I raise my hand in Sunday School or bear my testimony on Fast Sunday?

Still, I am thankful for the program. Hearing contradicting points of view and challenges to my faith, my mind easily reverts back to the hours upon days, year after year that I have spent in study and prayer, trying to understand my faith, my relationship with God and the place of the Church in all that. I really began to have a testimony of God's power and truth because I heard the arguments of opponents.

More than once in my life, everything I hoped for and perceived as reality was shattered. Holding on to faith in those circumstances has been like the struggle of a novice swimmer in a rolling ocean--one who is determined to make the shore. But the waves of doubt and conflict, are what I use to carry me to the shore.

Tonight, my hurting heart remembers when my faith was not so feeble. Remembrance of knowledge that once filled my mind pours in. Truth remembers this soul who loved it so dearly. They are only words. Flowery eloquence doesn't satisfy. God is my Redeemer. He is real. He reveals truth to the hearts and minds of those who seek. I have found--again.

The Lone Ranger

Here I am again, one woman alone. It has not even been a year since I got married and now I am sleeping alone again. I think it is pretty much the anniversary of the time I first called Mike--because he sent me his resume. I called him for strictly professional reasons.

Anyway, this is how the weekend went:

Saturday

Mikey's b-day party was at a place I can't remember the name of. It just had a bunch of inflatable obstacle courses and moonwalk-type stuff with some party rooms to serve the food you bring. Before that, Mike and I were collecting things and packing for his trip. Afterwards, he bought a laptop and got a case from his friend that works at Microsoft (Erik mentioned in previous a post). As soon as he got back, we met our photographer friend from church at the park for the family portraits we have never gotten. There must have been something else we did, but mostly, it was all about getting packed.


MaryAnne, stop reading now and take a break.

Sunday

I dropped Mike at the airport early enough Sunday to get to primary, where I teach the 11-12 girls. Of course, the only ones there were the two I brought--Lexi and Emylie. Mikey was really upset that we had to go to church because he wanted to get to his mom's house right away. We had left from his birthday party on Saturday and his mom went the other direction with his presents. He was very disappointed that he didn't get to play. But at least he got his Birthday song and pencil in primary. That helped a little bit.

I left directly from church to drop them off to appease the boy. We made the drop around 12:30. I actually talked to Lisa for a little while. There was some tension between us several months ago and we hadn't really cleared the air. Everything is settled and clear. The kids are welcome to come over whenever they want to, and they will go with us to see Mike's parents in Missouri. Lexi had said she wanted to spend the summer helping grandma at the store. (Take a look at the store on the Far West link at the right to see the store.)

After the drop off, I called Matt to see when he was going to meet me because I was already halfway to our halfway meeting point. He was helping his girlfriend, Julie move into here new house and was planning to meet me around 7:30. Rather than go home, I drove around the Rockwall, Wylie area looking for houses. I have decided (with the counsel of my husband) that we will be moving out there as soon as we get back from our trip. I will be moving out of this house before I leave for the trip.

So after all that I got home at 9:00. I barely had time to be alone or feel alone. I did delay going to bed. I was able to be in contact with My Love (that's the way it comes up on my phone). He arrived safely in El Paso (Ft. Bliss proximity). He will be in country until Friday evening, at which time, cell phone service will be disconnected--oh and transferred to me for those who don't know. Devanie will have my cell number and I will have Mike's.

Hey, I'm gonna stop typing now. Stop reading.

The Last Days

I have a lot to do today to help Mike get ready for his departure tomorrow morning. We will be going to Mikey's birthday party, which his Mom invited us to. She has been especially nice since we told her that Mike was leaving. But then, there was also a very large child support check that has probably contributed to her sense of friendliness.

We did the shopping we needed to do yesterday, for the things he needs. Now we need to pack everything. I have a few pants to hem for him, and I really should do my laundry, but he will probably have to take some dirty clothes with him. That is fine since he will have a laundry service while he is there. My guess is that they offer that because of the scarcity of water in the desert, and it is more efficient to do laundry in bulk.

For the past two days, the reality of his leaving have hit me really hard. I like being alone, and I look forward to being able to focus my time on things I have wanted to do for a long time. But it has only been a year since I found the love of my life and decided that I could spend the rest of my life with him. But now he is going to be gone. We have such a good time together, but now we have to be apart. I'm going to be fine, and I am not worried about anything, but it is good to feel a little angst now and then. Loving will do that to a person.

Social Novelties

Just wrapping up a great weekend. Saturday we had a friend of Mike and his three children come over for a lunch BBQ. The kids had a great time together--and so did the adults. We ate our lunch and then all of us went to the park near our house. When we came home, it was time for the ward picinic, which had been postponed last week because of the rain. Our friend Erik (this is the guy that was helping Mike get interviews with Microsoft--I know I never told you about it, but he's the guy) was not planning on going to the picinic with us, but since he had nothing to do, he came along. It was a great day. I like doing things with other people. Sometimes I forget that I am not a hermit. I have become so introverted over the years. It is nice to remember now and then that I love people.

After church, the kids had lunch, the we listened to 3 of the conference talks while we played conference bingo since none of the kids were with us that weekend. Then we let them play while Mike and I relaxed. I went to choir practice, and then we had a make-up ward picinic with a couple of people from church that couldn't make it the day before--trying to fellowship with some new kids in the ward whose parents are just separating. I got there in a really bad mood, no reason behind it, but got over it soon, because I love socializing.

Today I will be taking the kids back to their dad since they had a random day off. On the way I will visit a few friends--and see if there are anymore roadside vendors selling $2 rose plants in Tyler: the Rose capital of Texas. Mike will be at home working on his 40 hour training course so that he can leave on Sunday for Ft. Benning, GA. He will stay there for a week, the ship to Iraq. The anticipation is the worst part of it--anticipating a paycheck, that is. Two months of having "a job" and not getting paid is tense. We eexpect it to be worth the wait, but we keep getting further and further behind, so getting money doesn't seem like it will do anything but keep us floating. I'll be singing a different tune, of course, after our first full paycheck, but who knows when that will be.

My monitor went out on my computer, so I am using Mike's. (I get the flatscreen for myself next week so I am okay for now.) He is anxious to get his work started for the morning. Have a great day.

Brighter

Someday soon we will get paid. Mike has his official orders. His date was pushed back a week--again. But this time it is in official writing. He will be training for a week in GA beginning the 29th of April. He will leave for Iraq from there. We really needed that extra time, though Mike wishes he could just go and be done with it. He is tired of the anticipation and the stress of preparation.

We have an awesome home teacher who served in Iraq through the national guard. He has done all sorts of things to help us in our planning and prep. It is all a little overwhelming, but it is great to know where the whelming begins.

Mike had a really cool experience last night. A friend of his is a drum rep in Houston but was sponsoring a drum clinic at one of the music stores here in town being taught by Billy Cobam, a world renowned drummer. Mike was late for the clinic because he had forgotten about it as dinner was coming out of the oven, but he went to dinner with Billy and his friend the rep afterwards. Billy lives in Switzerland most of the time. Mike mentioned that we were going to be meeting in Europe midway through his tour in Iraq. Billy suggested we stay at his house and gave Mike his home phone and email. Pretty cool.

Mike has a tendency to bump into people like that. While he was working at the music store just before we got married, he had developed a great rapport with Don Henly who would often come in to the store and ask for Mike. He would just hang out and talk sometimes.

It is funny the things I have discovered about my husband--bits and pieces at a time. For example, as I was cutting his hair one time, I was singing: "I turned the radio on/ I turned the radio up, and this woman was singing my son/ lovers in love and the other runs away/lover is crying 'cause the other won't stay..." and he's singing with me. And he knows every word. I had to stop what I was doing.
"Why do you know the words to a Lisa Loeb song?"
"She's a sweet girl."
"Okay?"
"Well I did some studio work for her when I was in high school."
Apparently he was on the call list for Sony studios when they needed a drummer. It is fun getting to know the man. He has all sorts of surprises.

In other news, Isaac's bike got stolen from school yesterday. The officer gave us hope that it would be recovered. He asked us if we wanted to file a police report. I said, "A rorice rerort?" No, I didn't, I just put that in there for Dove. Anyway, if it doesn't turn up by Friday, I will file an official report.

Time to do what I haven't done since February--pick up Isaac from school.

Distant light

Mike is out for the moment at a repair shop who can tell him how to fix my washing machine. It was working beautifully for a while. He replaced the belt on it. Now it is full of a load of my whites in their dirty water and totally stuck. It won't spin or drain. It just growls at me.

I have our home teachers coming in a few hours, I need to make dinner, and I need to clean up my disaster of a living room and hallway, which is all about laundry at present. It is so frustrating to not have what you need to do what you need to do. Hopefully, Mike will get his first paycheck in the next week or two. I could buy the whole Washer/dryer set in one paycheck, except that we owe some people money, and have a bunch of traffic violations to take care of. I am wanted in the state of Oklahoma for failure to appear, and because I applied for my TX driver's license name change they did the check on it and are going to revoke my driving privilege in the next couple of days here if I don't get it payed.

Still, I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I told my store manager at Bed Bath and Beyond yesterday that my last day of work would be my kids' last day at school because I was going to hang out with them for the summer--but I will be hanging out with you too! I am really looking forward to seeing you all again. The three people who were there when I made my announcement looked physically wounded when I told them. I really do like my job. Rosie said I totally ruined her day--like three times. I told her that if there were more hours in a day, I would work there just for the fun of it (and the continued discount, I suppose). She said I should stop with the sarcasm. I explained that I wasn't really being sarcastic. I hadn't had time to hate my job, or working in general, since I hadn't done it for 13 years. I really do like being with people. But this was never something I intended to be a career. Sure, I could fast track it with my management education background, but then I would have to work more than 20 hours a week, and not from 7-1 Monday through Friday. People complain about my "sweet schedule."

Look at all that I wrote. I must be avoiding what I really need to do. Better get to it. Keep moving forward and the light will grow brighter.

The world is upside down

Happy Easter!!!

We are doing our Saturday celebrating. All the kids are here. They have been through their baskets but we have not had our egg hunt. I really do not want to go outside because ITS SNOWING. IN TEXAS!! This is a Carson City easter--not a Texas easter. Did the world flip its axis while I was sleeping? It was 85 degrees two days ago. It has been spring for over a month.

The kids and I watched an eleven year old video of easter at Kim and Lee Joe's when they were still in the single wide. Amber and Kelsey is all there was. Emylie was in a carrier car seat and Isaac was two. He quite stubbornly refused to put the easter eggs in the basket. Instead, he proclaimed "Ball!" and threw the eggs into the air. Good reason to go with plastic. That was the year Amber's basket broke because she had so many eggs in it.

*Flash to Present*
Mike is supposed to leave on the fifteenth for his one-week orientation in Ft. Bragg, NC. He may have to wait until the 29th if his passport doesn't come through on time. He had to go to Houston this past week to get it expedited. It is going to be a busy week if he ends up being able to go next Sunday according to schedule.

Tuesday was Mikes Birthday. We went to Parma's Italian Resturant where he has fallen in love with the Chicken Cody. The alfredo sauce is fabulous. It is just a little mom and pop shop, hole in the wall. Then we went to Golf Galaxy and bought him a couple of shirts. He went to work out and we had cheesecake when he got back.

Tuesday was also Andrew's birthday, but he was with his dad. The kids had no school on Friday so we picked them up on Thursday.We celebrated it yesterday. We went to Downtown Dallas and saw and I.M. Pei fountain court, which it was too cold to enjoy, though Claire ran through the nearly waterless sidewalk when the timed fountains gushed all over her. We had to go back to the car and change her so she didn't get hypothermia. It was also very windy. The we went through a little asian art collection. Then we rode the Trolley for about 30 minutes.

Then we came home and had Jell-O cake--raspberry Jell-O poured into the white cake and chilled to set with chocolate pudding on top. I think I need to go get some. Because I am much more like my mom than I am like Devanie, I overlooked candles and ended up lighting 7 cinamon tealights for Andrew to blow out. Then we watched Harry Potter, by which time it was late, so most of us--the adults, anyway--were asleep by the time it was over.

Now it is time for an egg hunt--probably an indoor one.

I changed my setting so you can posts comments again.

Job at last, Job at last!

After four months of being unemployed, Mike has a job. He got the official offer this morning. He will be a Department of Defense contractor, doing network support, and who knows what other technical stuff--in Iraq. He will have to be there eleven months, with no setting foot on American soil so that his entire salary will be tax free. It will be a huge leap from where we are now. I will continue to work at Bed Bath and Beyonduntil I have satisfied my need to refurnish my home accessories, etc. We hope to find a new house and be moved-in before he gets back--before the kids start school again, since they will be with me next school year.

All of this means that I will not have Mike with me--again--for the family reunion. Neither will I have Mikey and Lexi. However, I had promised my kids when I was single that we would start saving money to go to Disney World. Mike was planning on going and bringing the other two kids. However, last summer they went to Disney land and SoCal with their mom, so they have been to Disney Land. I could take the four there before or after the family reunion and do the whole Magic Mountain, DL, Knotts Berry Farm, Universal Studios thing. Anybody want to join me?

When Mike gets back, we would do the Florida trip.

Old pictures

Here are a couple of pictures of the kids at the park by our house for your viewing enjoyment. The other boy in the tunnel is our next door neighbor, Vuk, whose parents are from Poland or something like that.

We had a great time on our trip. We went to Colorado (Denver) to the wedding of Mike's cousin, Kristy. She has been dating this guy off and on since they were in high school 15 years ago. He wasn't a member for most of that time, and she knew she wanted to be married in the temple. And now she has.

Colorado was beautiful. It was just beginning to be spring. There were crocuses and daffodils blooming in many a flower bed. The small piles of dirty snow in the parking lots were flowing into puddles. Mike has decided he wants to retire to Montana, where it will never get above 100 degrees (37.7 celsius for my international readers-ha!)

We met Mike's brother Matt, his wife Melanie, and their kids, Callie, Coleman, Cara who had her first birthday while we were there. We also met Mike's sister Marla and her nine-month-old daughter, Eva. Mike and I absolutely fell in love with her. She had the most enthusiastic smile for anyone who would look at her--maybe it was just us.

We went to the Denver Temple and took care of all the kids on the grounds, except for the two babies. Callie is the shorter blonde, and Coleman didn't want his picture taken. Andrew had some very specific ideas about how he wanted to be photographed.















We managed to get a flat tire and found out the trouble with having an all wheel drive vehicle. If you replace one, you really need to replace the rest, or you could mess up the differential, and eventually--soon even--have to replace the whole system.

By the way, my washing machine, that did not work for over a month has been repaired by my magnificent husband. He replaced the belt on it. He felt good about himself, and I felt all warm and tingly about him. I spent the days leading up to our vacation doing laundry. It seemed pretty endless. Now I have vacation clothes to wash. The joy of it is; I CAN! Life is good.

More breaking news pending. Stay tuned

Summer planning

Devanie posted about the plans for the family reunion. I commented on it. for those who haven't seen it, here it what I am thinking.

As far as the sealing, I think Friday afternoon would be better so that it doesn't overshadow Hailey's baptism. I was also thinking about how much fun I have dancing with my husband--or even dancing with myself--oh, oh, a-oh--and wouldn't it be great if we had a place where we could just turn on some music and yak and snack with each other while the kids dance like goobers and the gooberest best of us join them.

I don't know how many will be able to stay for that full week, but even it the Leavitts had to come back for the second weekend, its only like four hours away, right? I would be delightfully shocked if Leonard stayed for the whole time, don't know if Thomas would be able to get the full time off. If he could though, I nominate him as the sound man. If not, my husband is more than capable. It just isn't customary for the groom be the sound man. Don't know if we have anyone who would be willing to be the official photographer.

By the way, I lost my disc of the family reunion pictures, which is rather an aggravation. I would be overjoyed if someone could get a copy for me. I can make contact with aunts and uncles for further arrangements, since Devanie was asking.

Love y'all